WWF RAW 5/31/1999

The WWF will get back to their storylines tonight. The Owen show was a touching and even fitting tribute.  I still struggle to take Vince McMahon as a person who shows much empathy. Obviously he has a company to run and needs to get back to work. But wrestlers are not stuntmen, Hollywood uses stunt-doubles and wrestlers already go above and beyond the call of duty. They work long hours and have no health care and their bodies deteriorate on a weekly basis. Of course they choose their profession but that does not mean it cannot be handled in a safer and more intelligent manner. Vince rode to the top off the back of his workers and while he had a hand in its success by pushing a lot of the right people and finding the right formula. However, Vince has had some rough times. For a few years in the 90s his product was stagnant, his movie productions failed (No Holds Barred and let’s not go into WWE Films right now) as well as the Bodybuilding empire he wanted to build and then next year the XFL. He has had as many misses as not….The problem I see is that Vince has found the formula for success, at least short-term and he will not make many changes. There will still be stunts and some that are questionable. Ultimately Vince cares about the bottom line and his pocketbook. While there is nothing wrong with that it has led to a trail of broken bodies and denuded landscape where wrestling once thrived. It is not all Vince’s fault, obviously, but even in 2011 he is resistant to change or health care or whatever that impacts his billion dollar fortune. The death of Owen should have been a wake up call. It may have been but it certainly did not last long enough to make a large enough difference. RAW won 6.3 to 3.3.

They show portions of Owen’s funeral. If I remember right Martha did not want it filmed. I believe that the wrestlers came in a bus labeled WWF and this upset her because she felt they were advertising the funeral and did it for publicity.

Here comes Shane leading the CM. Shame brags about counting the the one-two-three. UT agrees and there is nothing Austin can do about it. That was only phase one and phase two now begins. He told Austin that he would own him mind, body and soul. He is rambling about nonsense. The fans chant for Austin but here comes Vince instead. He informs the Undertaker that he did not win the title but in fact screwed Austin. Therefore tonight he is going to screw him. He will defend it against Austin. Shane reminds him that he owns part of the company. He will face Austin but not for the title. Vince does not care but Austin will wipe his carcass around the ring. He demands the Undertaker look at him. Before Austin kicks his ass he is going to give UT the privilege into kicking his. He goes on about getting revenge for what happened to Steph and his family. He may not get much but he will at least get a piece. Shane is happy that his dad found his grapefruits and if Vince beats him then UT will put the title on the line. But if anyone interferes, Austin or the Union then Austin loses the title shot. Vince agrees as he has nothing to lose. Shane retorts that he has a few teeth to lose. The fans chant that he is an asshole. Austin has to win or he will never get a title shot…..Jesus they always have that stipulation.

They head up the ramp but Austin leaps out of somewhere; he was wearing a black cloak and he pummels the Undertaker and when the tide starts turning the Union saves the day! He was dressed up as a Druid.

Match 1: Billy Gunn v. Big Show

Show hucks him into the corner like a rag doll. Gunn fires back with some blows and finally drops him with a running dropkick to the knees. Gunn stomps his knees over and over. Gunn is relentless as he stomps away. Show pushes him off but Gunn keeps coming back and rakes the eyes. Show gets to feet an unleashes a couple of clotheslines and Gunn wisely retreats to the floor. The ref starts to count and Road Dogg comes down and dances right behind him and Gunn finally turns and is punched towards and into the ring. The countout has already happened but he is still chokeslammed….

* Not much point to this….Show did not look that strong.

They show a boy acting scared…a man. His mom is there and he she will stay with him and she holds his head to his cleavage. Sweet Jesus.

Vince is readying himself for his match. Brisco and Patterson try to talk him out of it…..

Match 2: Christian v. Beaver Cleavage

He comes down to Leave it to Beaver type music. He is wearing a spinner hat and it is in black and white. Beaver runs him into the ropes and gets two after a powerslam. Christian is whipped into the corner and hiptossed off the rebound but he lowers his head and is crushed via a facebuster. He gets a two count and follows up with a dropkick. Beaver comes back and knocks him down. He hangs him over the apron and then guillotine legdrops him. He then leaps on his back as Mrs. Cleaver gives Christian a scolding. But Beaver misses in the corner and is back suplexed. Christian floats behind off the whip and nails him with an inverted DDT. Beaver sends him to the apron but Christian heads up top only to be crotched. Beaver goes up after him but is knocked off and Christian hits the big elbow but the Hardyz run down and wallop Christian and he turns into a reverse suplex and Beaver wins.

** Not as bad as it I thought it would be.

Christian leaps on top of them but he gets stomped by Hayes and the Hardyz. Gangrel and Edge run down and the fight is on. The Hardyz are backdropped to the floor and Hayes gets pasted.

No one will stop the Undertaker….he is telling Shane that.

Match 3: Jeff Jarrett v. Godfather (c) for WWF IC Title

We are four minutes in and Godfather is still doing his thing and talking about Debra and the Ho Train as well as Puppies. Right around the five minute mark they lock up and Godfather knocks him down but he runs into a boot. JJ goes up to the middle rope and nails him with a lariat. Godfather catches him and drops him on the top buckle.Godfather charges but is tossed to the floor. Back in the ring JJ gets two after a flying crossbody. The fans want puppies as Godfather catches him again and gets two after a powerslam. Godfather kicks him in the corner and now it is Ho Train time! He decleats him with a big boot. Debra starts to strip and the Godfather is staring and now one of the Ho’s starts stripping too. JJ is up and he nails the Godfather with the ladies belt and gets the win.

*1/2 Really? I do not mind Jarrett winning but he just lost on Heat to Shamrock. Give someone in the midcard a clean victory and make them strong.

Paul is carrying the title belt as he and UT head towards the ring.

Match 4: Undertaker (c) v. Vince McMahon

Austin is watching in the back. Vince comes down and is predictably getting his ass handed to him. Vince tries to fight back but he is tossed into the corner and pummeled. UT stomps a hole in him. He tosses the ref and chokes out Vince some more. DQ. Austin is happy. UT is not as he beats up Patterson and Brisco.

NR Angle advancement.

UT chases the ref through the crowd.

Cole tells Austin that the match tonight is for the WWF title and Austin basically tells him no shit and then tells him to get the hell out before he punches him!

Here comes Mankind. He is talking about payback for the Union. He wants a piece of HHH. He does not like getting a pipe job (beaten by a pipe at the PPV). He hates to be the bearer of bad news but Chyna has been checking him out. It may be his rugged good looks, boyish charm or when she walked in when he was bent over in the shower. He keeps going about how he looks good in his birthday suit but he is a married man and she cannot touch his manhood. He yells can you smell where the sock is hiding.

Match 5: Road Dogg v. Big Bossman

Bossman starts strong but Dogg makes a comeback. He does his shake thing and drops Bossman. He gets two after a legdrop. He follows up with a whip to the ropes but runs right into a spinebuster and Bossman straddles and then pounds the Hades out of him. He has the nightstick but Road Dogg is up and he hits Bossman but he goes for the nightstick and he is popped in the head. He goes for the sunset flip but he is hit with the stick and the match is thrown out. Now he beats him and then chokes him out with his handcuffs.

*1/2 I guess this is angle advancement…..they are not feuding but it is the CM against a former DX member.

Shane is going apeshit in the back and breaking plates and throwing food all over the place…..

I forgot KotR tourney and the matches have been on Heat. Shamrock beating JJ and Pac beating Bossman so far.

Match 6: Kane and X Pac v. Acolytes for WWF Tag Titles

Pac and Farooq start off and Pac is shoved into the corner but he kicks free and then spinkicks away. Bradshaw gets the tag but so does Kane. Kane misses but so does Bradshaw and Kane unloads on him. He rocks him with a series of blows. Bradshaw knocks him to the floor but he is knocked back from getting his throat bounced off the top rope. Kane goes up top and hits the lariat. Pac is tagged in and he leaps right into the waiting arms of Bradshaw: fall away slam. He puts him in a bearhug and Shane is on his way down. Pac is free but his heel kick is caught and he is slammed and nearly pinned. Pac finally connects with his kick and now Kane gets the hot tag and he unloads the fury. He kicks both heels and goozles Farooq but Bradshaw clobbers him from behind. But both get clotheslined. Shane has a chair and Pac goes for the Buster and the chair is right there! Kane goes after Shane as Pac is finished off.

**1/2 Best match of the night.

Kane is sad….

Austin is sitting in the back.

Seriously. I am not fucking kidding right now. There is a camera in the bathroom and someone is taking a shit and making grunting noises. D’Lo comes in and he whines about how bad it smells. Mark Henry comes out of the stall and Brown whines and wants his hands washed and Henry messes with him but does so: GDTV. Fucking HORRIBLE.

Match 7: Val Venis v. Ken Shamrock

Val pounds on him in the corner. But Shamrock takes him down and has the arm. Val gets to the ropes but is still hammered. After the spinebuster he gets two after the DDT. Shamrock keeps after him but runs into a knee and is run to the other end of the ring and kneed. Now a Russian sweep. He wags his hips and Shamrock grabs the ankle but he escapes and bodyslams Ken. JJ comes down and that distracts him and so Val nails him and then gets the win.

** Angle advancement.

Nicole helps him up but he pushes her away and wants to know where she was….maybe Shamrock won. He is apologizing. I mean she. He states it is okay and she can make it up to him right now and holds the ropes for her. Val did win…sorry. He rolled him up.

Match 8: Mankind v. HHH

HHH charges and the fight is on! Mankind fends him off and whips him into the corner where he bulldogs him. But HHH fires right back and Mankind heads to the floor. HHH goes after him but Mankind is waiting and slugs him. They fall over the barrier and brawl there. Back over the barrier Mankind rolls him up for two and then clotheslines him. He goes for a suplex but HHH counters with one of his own. HHH has his sledgehammer and after flinging Mankind into the steps he swings it and just misses. They fight over at the announce table. Mankind fights back and back in the the ring he has a chair and goes for a piledriver but he is backdropped on top of it. HHH mauls him in the corner. But HHH is whipped into the corner and he flies over the top and crashes to the floor. Mankind whips him into the barrier and runs at him with a chair over his head and HHH gets his foot up. Now HHH goes for a Pedigree but is backdropped on the chair and then catapulted into the post. He clotheslines HHH and here comes Chyna with a chair and she blasts him with it. Mankind turns and he is shoved into HHH and both hit the steps. Back in the ring Mankind counters off the whip and applies the Mandible Claw. Chyna comes in with the sledgehammer and pulls it up into his nuts. Chyna decks him again with her fist and she is yelling at the ref. Mankind has Socko loaded up and she eats it! But he turns right into the sledgehammer, right into the knee! It is over.

***1/2 Great brawl. HHH needs to dump Chyna and go out on his own. He is slowly getting over as a heel. The cheating by her is getting old.

Officials check on Mankind and HHH decides to come back into the ring and tear apart his knee some more. Here comes the Rock! HHH wisely retreats.

Mankind is carted off in an ambulance.

Match 8: Undertaker (c) v. Steve Austin for WWF Title

Austin sprints down and goes right after the legs. He pulls him into the post and wraps his leg around it a few times. Now the bell rings and Austin is still tearing into him. He hammers him for an hour: Thesz Press and more hammering. He gets a two count. A clothesline sends UT to the floor but he lands on his feet and pulls out Austin. Now they brawl on the floor. Austin is knocked down by the announce table and Undertaker slugs away. Back in the ring Undertaker chokes him out. Austin makes a comeback and drops him getting two. Another Press and another two count. Undertaker reverses the whip and Austin eats a big boot and then a clothesline. UT gets two. Now they fight on the floor and Austin posts him but he is flung into the barrier.  They start fighting up the aisle and wail away on each other. UT blocks the suplex and counters with one of his own. UT kidney punches him and does it again. Austin kicks him but a punch helps send him back into the ring. UT gets two after a spinebuster. Close. Austin fires back and hangs his head on the middle rope only to miss the leap. UT sends him for the ride but misses the lariat. Stunner! Paul pulls the ref to the floor so Austin heads out and decks him. He goes back after UT and here comes Bossman who is Stunned. The CM swarms and now they take the offensive and stomp a hole in him. A punch ties him up in the ropes and they have the legs and hold him down while pummeling him. UT gets on his knees and here comes a Druid moving like molasses as it comes down to the ring. Two fucking minutes of walking. It is supposedly the greater power and UT bows to him and the Greater Power reveals himself to Austin who yells…..

*** Another good brawl to end the show.

**1/2 On the strength of the last two matches otherwise this would have been a terrible show. GDTV? Beaver Cleaver? Fucking stupid. The matches prior to the final two were not that good. I just did not get involved in anything else really. The midcard remains far too weak. There is too much McMahon on TV for my taste. At least the Rock is on his own and Mankind was classic. So it had its moments and ended on a strong note. BTW what the fuck happened with JR and Dr. Death? That was aborted quickly!