Written by: Kevin Kildenberger
RAW again won handily 6.25 to 3.5 but Nitro has been a bit stronger the last three or four weeks and that is a positve. Sorry I watched it first….Not a good show. Time for some ECW.
CM comes down. Vince is in a wheelchair. Vince wants hopes everyone brought their cameras as this the last RAW they will see Austin. He talks about it for another minute. The Undertaker is told that his career is on the line too. UT does not like being threatened. He gets in Vince’s face. Vince reminds him that he signs his checks and UT declares that no one made him and now HHH gets in his face and is threatened to get his split like Austin’s. HHH implores Vince to let him face Austin. He has proven his loyalty and knows that Vince made him. Vince agrees. He thinks UT has Austin on the brain, so they will have a match and the winner faces Austin and Rock gets sloppy seconds as he faces the loser. UT tells HHH that his blood is now in his (UT’s) hands. Here comes Austin he is driving an Old Folk’s type of van and drinks beer after standing on the roof. Oh, it is a Blood Mobile. My bad. UT will be paying a visit inside of it tonight.
Jesus there is a teased split every fucking week.
Road Dogg and Chyna are prepping for their Dog Collar match.
Shane is with Vince and HHH and HHH promises to take care of him if Vince reciprocates.
Match 1: Road Dogg v. Chyna
Road Dogg calls her a bitch and demands she get collared. He tells Chyna that she and HHH were probably doing the same thing last night. Chyna charges but misses and is taken down. Gunn runs down and attacks Dogg. Both pound on him. Jesus…..Gunn tosses him over the top trying to hang him and he lands on his feet!! Now he tries to sell it by jumping up. But it is on the back of his neck and not….Oh fuck. It is really bad. X Pac runs them off.
DUD Fuck me. That was atrocious.
There is a knock on Vince’s door and he acts scared and HHH and Shane answer it ready to fight. IT is the Posse.
Here comes Shane and the Posse. Shane responds that there are only one of those (Sorry, he called an asshole by the crowd). He wants to apologize to Stephanie. Test in his wooden voice begs her not to go. Twilight style acting there! She assures him that she will be okay and comes down. She looks sad as he apologizes. Shane yells that it is all Test’s fault. He has caused it all. But big brother is here. Joey Abs is willing to take her back…..Joey Abs? Yay! I want to date a dude named Joey Abs. Stephanie makes fun of him saying it was one date as a favor for Shane and it was a nightmare. Joey tells her how great it used to be and he plays with her hair telling her that he is willing to take her back. Steph bitch slaps him and tells him to not touch her and for Shane to stay out of her life. Shane will do this his way and will make her happy no matter what.
The Rock has arrived. He signs something. An autograph maybe but intimidates the guy for some reason. Not sure why.
Jesse Ventura turned down WCW and went back to the WWF. He and Bischoff did not get along.
Match 2: Hardyz (c) v. Acolytes v. Prince Albert and Droz v. Val Venis and the Godfather for WWF Tag Titles
Bradshaw takes it to Matt. Prince is tagged in and he goes off on Bradshaw. He drops an elbow and gets two….anyone can tag anyone. Albert is kicked in the back off the whip and the clothesline from hell finishes him off. Elimination too I guess. Val is in and he leaps right into the arms of Bradshaw and he connects with a fall away slam. Bradshaw runs into a boot and here comes Jeff Hardy who is run over. Godfather comes in and he slams him and then gets two after a running legdrop. Val is in and Bradshaw is pinned….why? I thought they were getting a push. Oh well. Matt is crushed by the Ho Train. Val goes up top but Farooq crotches him and Jeff flies into him and the Hardyz win.
*1/2 Shortest elimination match….Why are the Acolytes facing the Hardyz. They lost to Val Venis. Oh well.
JJ and Debra. Jesus has JJ been punked. He tells Austin that he will skin his ass if he gets near his belt. Austin would not work with JJ. There was talk of elevating JJ but supposedly Austin was still bitter when Jarrett bragged that he made more money in WCW and cracked some joke. And yes six years later still held a grudge. If true that is fucking pathetic. Austin will have a lot more powertrips down the road.
Match 3: Jeff Jarrett (c) v. Christian for WWF IC Title
Christian is annihilating him. He has spiked him and slammed him and hit a guillotine legdrop but JJ kicks out. Now a reverse DDT as Debra was on the apron but the ref was distracted. By the time he turns around JJ has kicked out. On the floor, JJ goes after him with the guitar and gets it taken away. In the ring the ref takes it from Christian and JJ hits the Stroke and wins.
*1/2 I know JJ is supposed to be the cowardly heel but damn is he weak. This match should have gone on longer.
The lights flicker and go out. Brood’s music blares and JJ has had a bloodbath. Edge is coming down. He and JJ brawl. Edge and Christian are baffled by the blood after the fight has been broken up.
Rock is walking in the back.
HHH and Chyna are conferring.
JJ is pissed about the bloodbath….Fuck that was a lot in one minute.
Match 4: Rock v. Mr. Ass
Rock says that Ass is suffering from Rock fever. He is going to take the thermometer and turn it sideways and stick it up his candy ass.
The fight is on and Ass has him in the corner where he punches him over and over in the head. Rock is whipped into the opposite corner and crushed by a flying leap. Rock explodes out and clotheslines Ass and then flings him into the corner but Ass takes him down off the rebound and gets two. Rock gets choked out on the ropes. Rock tries to fight back but is tossed over the top rope. Gunn heads after him and runs his head into the steps and now the post. Rock is dumped onto the barrier, and rolled back into the ring where he is suplexed. Ass gets two. Rock fires back but he is taken back down. Ass works him over for a bit but Rock fights back and they collide. Both are down. Rock is up and unloads on Ass. He beats him around the ring and DDT’s him. Fucking Chyna is on the apron and the ref is distracted. Ass jumps up but is shoved into Chyna and Ass turns right into the Rock Bottom. He is going for the Elbow but Chyna wallops him with a chair and the Famouser finishes him off.
**1/2 Not bad. Look I do not mind Rock losing. It adds heat to his feud but Mr. Ass will not get a big push. He was beaten last week. So what good does it do? Sick of Chyna too. Shit has gotten old.
Austin is pacing.
HHH and Vince are chums now as they chit-chat.
Match 5: Al Snow (c) v. Big Bossman
Al has tossed a bunch of stuff in the ring and begs Bossman to hit him. Bossman obliges and knocks him out. It is over. Al is cuffed to the rope and beaten.
UT is hunched over and meditating.
Vince checks his watch…..why, who cares.
Match 6: Edge v. Mideon (c) v. D’Lo Brown v. Gangrel
So when Mideon asked for a belt from Shane it was the European title….not sure why, but whatever floats their boat.
My bad it is a tag match. Edge and Brown v. Mideon and Gangrel.
The faces have dominated most of the match. Edge spears Gangrel and D’Lo finishes Mideon with a Frot Splash.
Austin is strolling in the back.
Match 7: Test v. Steve Blackman
Test grabs him and pulls him into the ring where he hammers him. Blackman fights back and takes him down. After a sideslam he pulls back on the knee in a half crab, using the ropes as leverage. Test fights back and clotheslines him but is struck with a spinebuster. Blackman pulls back on the neck and drills him with an elbow. Steve bodyslams him and drops the elbow, pulls him up but Test ducks the blow after the whip and Steve is grabbed and nailed with a gutwrench turned into a powerbomb. Test takes off his head with a big boot and goes up to the middle rope and leaps right into a boot. They tussle and Test strikes with a swinging neckbreaker. Joey Abs runs in and is speared and the Posse swarms. Shane slaps him around and Shamrock sprints to the ring and the heels flee.
** Not too bad. Probably will set up and eventual PPV match, though Shamrock is facing Blackman at the PPV.
UT is still meditating and finally gets up and leaves the room.
During the break Steve left the building.
Match 8: Big Show and Hardcore Holly v. X Pac and Kane
Holly suplexes Pac and on the floor Show is shoved into a post. Holly slides out and assaults Kane only to get blasted. Here comes the Undertaker and he chokeslamsPac. He has the steel steps and runs then into the back of Show and the face of Holly. Now he drives then down into both Holly and Show. Kane leaves the UT.
Kane heads back to the ring to check on X Pac but UT goes after him and stops him. Kane realizes that the Undertaker has chokeslammed Pac and UT tries to reason with him only to be chokeslammed and Kane snuggles X Pac and carries him back to the locker room.
Pac looks angry but gives him a sweet hug.
Match 9: HHH v. Undertaker
HHH starts rocking him with a flurry of rights but the Undertaker starts firing back and then with some serious velocity runs him into the steps. He decleats him with a mighty right and then rolls him back into the ring. HHH fights back but is dropped and bodyslammed. UT misses the elbow drop and both are up and HHH clotheslines him to the floor but UT lands on his feet. Of course Chyna hits him. HHH sledges him from the apron and now UT gets run into the steps. They battle and HHH gets his throat bounced off the top rope but he recovers and gets two after a knee shot to the chin. Austin wants the Blood Mobile ready to role. UT grabs and chokeslams HHH. HHH is up in the Tombstone and Austin runs down and assaults UT and here comes the Rock and he clotheslines HHH over the top rope and beats his ass. UT and Austin fight into the crowd and Austin is getting the worst of it but he is game and fights back. He whispers to UT and the fight goes further into the crowd. They fight up towards the Blood Mobile and UT is regains the upperhand and runs him into it and then a wall. He picks him up over his shoulder but Austin slides behind and shoves him into the vehicle and locks it. Austin heads back towards the ring. He notices Vince and grabs a beer. He takes a big swig and grabs the wheelchair and then punches him in the head. He takes the belt and blasts Vince in the head with it. Vince is cut open and Austin signs a piece of paper and then knocks Vince off the wheelchair…Bearer gets UT out and he staggers back towards Austin and takes a beer can and wallops him with it. Now he rips at the face of Austin with the can.
** Angle advancement. HHH nor UT could afford to lose and they could not change the PPV.
* Austin got his ass kicked at the end but still dominated before hand. It is his character but it does get wearisome. Honestly. I need a break from WWF. Everytime I think it gets good it churns out shit like this. Random swerves, short matches, constant interference. Hogan is champ in WCW and the WWF is like TNA in 2011, with less wrestling if you can imagine.