Credit to: Rajah.com
Rock enters the building and runs into Stone Cold Steve Austin. Austin was waiting for him. He asks where Rock has been. Rock says he was at a little joint called “Just Bring It” and invites Austin. Austin says that he’s been there. Austin has good news for Rock: Austin is going to win the Royal Rumble. But that means he has bad news, too: Rock, when he beats Jericho for the Undisputed Title, is going to have to face Stone Cold at Wrestlemania. And the record is: Stone Cold 2, Rock 0 at Wrestlemanias. Rock says he remembers the record. He thinks about it all the time. The last time he thought about it was at Survivor Series, when he pinned Stone Cold.
We’re in the Century Tel Center in Louisiana with Michael Cole and Jerry “The King” Lawler for Smackdown! as we find out that Triple H will make his in-ring return tonight! It will be Triple H and Stone Cold vs. Kurt Angle and Booker T tonight.
Rob Van Dam vs. William Regal
Rob Van Dam comes out first, followed by Regal, who is patted down by the ref (that’s gotta be a crappy job, groping a man in tiny tights). RVD hits a headlock on Regal. Monkey toss by Regal. Sweep and legdrop by RVD, 1-2-kickout. Huge German suplex by Regal. Running knee to the face by Regal, 1-2-kickout. Regal takes it to RVD. Regal locks in a weird neck submission. RVD gets out of the submission and hits a back body drop and a schoolboy for a two count. Regal uses his forearm on RVD for another submission, but RVD battles out. RVD hits an enziguiri, a heel kick, and a senton, 1-2-kickout. Crossbody off the top rope by RVD, 1-2-kickout. RVD dives after Regal, but Regal tosses him face first into the turnbuckle. Regal grabs his brass knuckles outside, and RVD tosses him back in the ring. Martial arts kick off the top rope by RVD. RVD hits two spears and goes for a third, but Regal punches him with brass knuckles for the 1-2-3!
Here is your winner: William Regal
Kurt is backstage, looking for the Rock.
-Angle barges into Rock’s lockerroom. Rock asks if he knocked. Kurt says, “I get it. ‘Who’s there?'”. Angle says that this is his first Royal Rumble, and you know that Kurt always wins on his first time. He tells Rock it’ll be Rock/Angle at Wrestlemania. Rock tells Angle to close his eyes and picture this: Rock/Angle. Wrestlemania. Fans chanting Angle’s name. Electrifying match, possibly best ever. Anglelock. Angle Slam. Angle whoopin’ the Rock’s ass. Then Rock tells Angle to wake up. It’s a dream. Reality- Rock Bottom. Spinebuster. People’s Elbow. 1. 2. 3.
Billy vs. Tajiri
The not so ambiguously gay duo comes out, followed by the other couple, Tajiri and Torrie. Hurricanrana and an Enziguiri by Tajiri. Billy slams Tajiri down face first. Billy knocks Tajiri outside. Tajiri gets back in and hits a kick. Acid drop on Billy, 1-2-kickout. Handspring elbow, 1-2-kickout. Tarantula to Billy! Tajiri sets up the Kick of Death when Chuck comes in. Chuck sprays Chuck with the Green Mist (not the first time Chuck’s been sprayed in the face…come on, it was just TOO easy!). Billy hits the Famasser on the distracted Tajiri for the 1-2-3.
Here is your winner- Billy
After the match, Billy and Chuck beat on Tajiri. Chuck hits the Jungle Kick.
-Coach is outside Triple H’s lockerroom. Someone tells him that Triple H went to Rock’s lockerroom. (What do you think they’re going to talk about? I bet that Louisiana weather incites plenty of conversation.)
-Triple H enters Rock’s lockerroom. Rock tells Trips not to talk. They have unsettled business. Triple H says they’ll settle their unfinished business in the future. He’s in the lockerroom to talk about the future. Rock knows Trips better than anyone. At the Royal Rumble, Triple H is going to walk out the winner. Rock is going to win the Undisputed Title. But he’ll only hold it in the future for a while. Only until Wrestlemania.
-Lillian asks Trish if she’s ready to face Jazz. Before she can respond, Jazz attacks Trish. Jazz smashes Trish’s hand with a crate (The old smash the hand in the crate trick…the oldest trick in the book).
Diamond Dallas Page vs. Boss Man
It’s D-D-P. If DDP wins this match, he’s reinstated into the WWF and is entered in the Royal Rumble. Boss Man comes out next. Boss Man takes it to DDP. DDP battles back and hits a clothesline, 1-2-kickout. Big boot by Boss Man and some chokes. Choke by Boss Man, who tosses Edge to the mat. Spinebuster by Boss Man. Another choke and sleeper by Boss Man. Neckbreaker by DDP. Clothesline by DDP. Low blow by Moss Man, who tesses DDP into the turnbuckle. DDP counters the scoop slam and hits the Diamond Cutter for the 1-2-3!
Here is your winner- DDP
-Taker is in Rocky’s lockerroom. Taker says smart money is on Rock at the Rumble. Taker wants Rock to know he’s going to win, which means he’ll face Rock at Wrestlemania. He just thought Rock would want to know. Rock says if he’s done, then he’s going to the ring.
-We see a clip from last week’s Smackdown! Rock/RVD vs. Y2J/Test match.
The Rock comes out. Appearantly, this year’s Royal Rumble is going to be much different than all other ones. Instead of having one winner, everyone is going to win. Everyone, even Goldust, is telling him that they are going to win the Royal Rumble. The cameraman just whispered that he’s going to win the Royal Rumble. He steals the camera from the cameraman. He tells the cameraman to move in front of the camera. He tells him to wave hi to his friends, his Uncle Joe, and his boyfriend Mike. The six year old kid in the front row said he’s going to win the Rumble. The girl with the poster asking what Rock is doing after the show just said she’s going to win the Rumble. The entire section 108 just said they’re going to win. Rock gives the camera back, after two essential fake-outs. Rock’s point is that it doesn’t matter who win’s the Royal Rumble. Rock will face anyone, including Punkey Brewster on an ice cream sammich (now THAT’S ballsy). Rock is going to win the Royal Rumble, and nothing, and the Rock means…Jericho comes out, looking like his dog just died. How dare Rock? How dare he disrespect Jericho like that? Jericho is the champion. Rock hasn’t even mentioned his name. Everyone in the back is talking like Rock will automatically win at the Rumble. They can all go to Hell. The fans can go to Hell if they think that too. And, most importantly, so can Rock. The truth hurts. The truth is that he had the chance to be Undisputed champ at Vengeance, but he failed. He lost. He lost to Jericho. He can face lots of people at Wrestlemania, but it won’t be for the title. Jericho pulls a Jan Brady for a while. He’s the most underrated champ in WWF history. After Sunday, he’ll still be champ. It’s his title, his show…Rock stops him. This is the Rock’s show. Everyone in the back and the fans all know that the Rock is better than Jericho. The truth does hurt, but not as much as Rock will hurt Jericho. If you smell…Jericho cuts him off again. This isn’t a joke. Jericho isn’t a joke. And Rock won’t look past Jericho, the stupid SOB (Jericho’s words, not mine). Rock takes off his glasses and walks out of the ring and up the ramp. Rock doesn’t think it’s a joke. He’s not smiling. Rock takes Jericho seriously and can’t wait to kick his candy ass. If you smell what the Rock is cookin’ (What if I don’t? What happens then?). Rock walks off.
Rikishi vs. Christian and Lance Storm- Handicap Over the Top Rope Match
Rikishi comes out first, then Christian, and finally Lance Storm. Storm and Christian charge and double team Rikishi. Double clothesline by Rikishi. Sunset flip by Christian, but Lance hits the spinning heel kick before Rikishi can sit on Christian. Double team. Samoan drop to Storm. Rikishi backs it up on Storm. Clothesline to Christain. Stinkface to Storm. Superkick by Rikishi knocks Storm over the top. Christian fails to push Rikishi over the top. Storm grabs Rikishi’s leg, but Rikishi just tosses Christian over the top onto Storm.
Here is your winner- Rikishi
-After the match, Big Show comes out. Clothesline to Rikishi. Samoan drop to Big Show. Rikishi tries to pick Show up, but can’t. Show picks Rikishi up and drops him over the top rope. Acolytes come out. Bradshaw clotheslines Big Show over the top rope. Bradshaw starts to throw Farooq over, but Farooq stops him. Bradshaw jokes with Farooq and they shake hands. Farooq tries to toss Bradshaw over. They argue, and Kane comes out. Double shoulderblock to Kane. Clothesline to Farooq. Kane tosses Bradshaw over, then Farooq.
-We see clips of Spike beating Bubba on RAW.
-We see footage from earlier today. Spike and Tazz pull into the parking lot, and the Dudleyz ambush them. Tazz fits perfectly into the trunk (I think they used to say that in the ads), and the Dudley Boyz double team Spike. The 3D Spike onto the concrete.
-Debra is backstage with Austin. She’s pissed at Steph and wants to go out ot the ring. Austin doesn’t want her to run aroudn while he’s trying to have a match. He has to try to co-exist with Triple H. Debra agrees.
-Kurt and Booker talk backstage. Booker wants to take Triple H and Austin out before the Rumble. It’ll be sweet. Kurt says it’ll be “Sweet and sour like an ice cold shower, word”. Say what? Kurt says he’s going to win the Rumble. Booker says he’s going to win. Kurt says the Booker Man is good, but he’s an Olympic gold medalist. Book says he doesn’t need medals to toss Kurt’s ass over the top rope. Kurt tells him they can worry about that later. Tonight, they can focus on the tag match. Booker says he can dig that.
Edge vs. Test
Edge comes out first, followed by Test, who has some new music. Hurricanrana and a spinning heel kick by Edge, 1-2-kickout. Edge reverses the back suplex, but Test slams him down. Test takes it to Edge in the corner. Clotheslines in the turnbuckles by Test, 1-2-kickout. Dropkick and clothesline by Edge. Facebuster by Edge, 1-2-kickout. Edge counters the Powerbomb and goes for the Edgecution. Test counters and spears Edge into the corner. Test goes for the Pump Handle Slam, but Edge counters and hits a reverse X-Factor. Edge takes both men outside. Regal comes down, but Edge takes it to him. Spear to Test, who had a chair. Chairshot to Regal. Chairshot to Test. Nick Patrick disqualifies Edge, but Edge hits him with the chair too.
Here is your winner via DQ- Test
-We see a package about the Royal Rumble.
-Steph is so excited. Debra ‘s not allowed to be at ringside. Debra is useless to Austin, unlike her. Triple H tells Seph not to come down to ringside either. This is his first match after 8 months. He doesn’t even want Austin, a man he faces in three days, as a partner. It’s not about Steph, it’s about him. He wants no distractions. He needs to do this alone.
-We see clips from RAW of Steph and Debra’s catfight. Triple H and Stone Cold Steve Austin vs. Kurt Angle and Booker T
Triple H & Steve Austin vs. Kurt Angle & Booker T
Time to dig it as the Booker Man comes out. Angle comes out next. Austin follows. Finally, Triple H comes down to make his long awaited ring return. Triple H and Austin argue. Angle charges them, but runs into a pole. They doubleteam Angle. Austin starts the match with Angle. Clothesline to Angle. Clothesine to Booker. Angle takes it to Austin. Chopes to Austin. Austin tosses Angle on the ropes and hits a double axe handle for a two count. Tag to Booker. Tag to Triple H. The fans go nuts. Trips takes it to Booker. Neckbreaker to Book. Right hand to Angle. Superkick to Triple H. Tag to Angle. Clothesline and choke to Angle. Tag to Austin. Suplex to Angle. Another suplex to Angle. Angle spears Austin into the corner and tags Booker. Double team on Austin. Shoulder block to Austin. Spinebuster by Austin, 1-2-kickout. Booker counters the Stunner and hits a heel kick. Tag to Angle. Angle takes it to Austin. Suplex to Austin. Lou Thesz Press to Angle. Belly to Belly by Angle. Tag to the Booker Man, 1-2-kickout. Sleeper by Booker T, but Austin battles out. Knee and Scissors kick to Austin. Spinaroonie by Booker T. Heel kick to Austin. Triple H breaks up the three count. Angle gets in the ring while the ref’s back is turned and takes it to Austin. Tag to the Booker Man. Angle hist Austin from behind and hits Triple H. Clothesline to Angle. Book and Austin clothesline each other. Fans start chanting “Triple H”. Tag to Triple H. Double clothesline by Triple H. Clothesline to Booker. Running knee strike to Angle. Trips takes it to both men. Angle misses a spear and hits the pole. Spear to Book. Booker goes into Trips’ knee. Angle breaks up the three count. Angle and Booker get tossed outside. Austin and HHH run into each other and stare down, until Booker and Angle get back in the ring. Angle gets tossed outside again. Spinebuster to Booker. Triple H sets up the Pedigree, but Angle hits a German. Austin tosses Angle out again. Booker misses the kick to Austin. Austin hits a Stunner. Pedigree to Booker, 1-2-3!
Here are your winners- Triple H and Stone Cold Steve Austin
-After the match, Triple H and Austin stared each other down. Undertaker came to the top of the ramp, and all five men stared down.
Match of the Night- Once again, I have to pick the main event. I know I keep picking the main event, but they’re all considerably better than the other matches.
Man of the Night- I’m tempted to pick Triple H again, but Jericho’s promo was great tonight. He’s my favorite for the Rumble, so I’m going to give him the nod here.
Quotation of the Night- “He’s that damn good, but you’re that damn…uh…much better!” -Kurt Angle to Booker T about Triple H
Sign of the Night- “Don’t puke on me, Booker T!”
34-year-old currently living in Syracuse, New York. Long-time fan of the New York Mets, Chicago Bulls, and Minnesota Vikings. An avid fan of professional wrestling and write reviews/articles on the product. Usually focusing on old-school wrestling.