WCW Thunder 12/23/1999

Written by: Kevin Kildenberger

Here comes the nWo and they are all happy. They brag about all the gold that they have. Bret tells the crowd they have planned this for a month and pulled the wool over the eyes of the fans. They are stupid idiots and fell for the oldest trick in the back. Only a month? They recap what happened leading up to the reformation of the nWo. Um, it is more than a month as it is Oct 25 they show. So two months. They show Goldberg and Benoit and how Bret supposedly befriended them. They keep going and bragging about how they fooled everyone and no one can do anything about it. Nash has the mic and how it has been hot and cold between the Outsiders and the fans. They want to be hip but they are stupid as they fell for it. He keeps making fun of the fans with some added commentary from Hall. Hall giggles that he knew he could milk this. He stops and the fans cheer for a minute. JJ interrupts that and calls it a Slap Nuts convention. No one saw it coming. He now insults the fans. No Ham and Eggers in the group and only the elite. Here comes Goldberg! He is not happy and declares that one by one he is going to rip out their hearts and that they are dead. It is not going to be “Who’s Next” but “Who’s Left!” Outsiders make faces at him….

Gene is with Benoit who is facing Hart tonight. Benoit can barely slur out a sentence. He is sad about Bret turning. He talks about what a role model he was etc. He keeps saying it and Bret also ripped his heart out but tonight Benoit is going to rip his heart out.

Match 1: PG-13 v. Varsity Club

Varsity Club pretty much dominate. DQ. Sullivan was at the announce table. He is terrible….After the match the Varsity Club annihilate them.

*1/2

There are two bikers wearing helmets. We get to find out who they are later.

Russo is with Curt Hennig and they are talking about the nWo and patsies etc. The bikers are CC and they take out Curt and threaten Russo. None of Russo’s men knew of the reformation of the nWo.

Filthy Animals come out and now Duggan does and he starts a USA chant. Eddie has the mic and he is glad to be back and they are Americans. Now to the Revolution and they all want to get up in their asses. Konnan gets the crowd riled and they love it, WCW blew it with these guys. Rey is not happy about his knee and they are back together and they will fuck the Revolution like the dogs they are (bleeped out of course). Duggan gets another USA chant going. He is about to make the Revolution his bitch. Here comes the Revolution. Dean screams about pledgling allegiance to their flag. Saturn cracks lame jokes. But then tells them that they will go back to the hospital. Now to Douglaswho calls out Duggan. He discusses asses and they are pathetic low lifes like the rest of these Americans. Basically the challenge has been laid out.

Russo is not happy and is talking to Curt. He wants him and JJ to take out CC. Russo will be in the limo where it will be safe.

Match 2: Tank Abbot v. La Parka

Tank is dismantling poor Parka. It is over. Dillinger gets wiped out.

*1/2

Norman is hiding in the back….Goldberg is searching for something as he hides.

More Paisely shenanigans with the Prince. Terrible.

Match 3: Norman Smiley (c) v. Fit Finlay for WCW Hardcore Title

Norman is utterly demolished. He is taken to the back and beaten by Knobbs too. Meng makes the save and cannot be stopped. Meng puts Norman on Fit for the win but then kills him with a Deathgrip!

** Okay. Longest match in over an hour of programming.

JJ reads a message that he wants to be seen. He heads to where Russo was and Goldberg is there and he chokes him out and demands that he deliver a message that Bret is dead.

Match 4: CC v. JJ and Hennig

CC are now the Harris Boys as they declare they are no longer a part of Russo’s boys. JJ does not come out and Curt is demolished in about two minutes.

*

Here comes the nWo and they have bats and take out the Harris Boys. They are spraypainted.

After the break they are carted off in an ambulance.

Match 5: Maestro v. Bam Bam Bigelow

Kanyon is at the announce table. Bigelow owns him but he loses as Kanyon intervenes.

* Christ the wrestling sucks.

DDP is talking about his future in WCW and how Buff is not doing his wife. Buff hit on his wife when he was out of town and he will not fight until he faces Bagwell. He is booked tonight but just leaves.

Three Count! Yes! They introduce themselves and start singing. Chavo takes them all out.

David and Daffney pull into a gas station and meet Crowbar and all are cackling. Jesus.

After the break Vamp and the Misfits pull up and beat the hell out Flair. Crowbar makes the save.

Match 6: FA v. Revolution

Actually a quasi decent back and forth match so far. Saturn drops the big elbow and gets a two count. Kidman counters free and here comes Duggan who goes off but he is nutted and Shane screams in his face to denounce the USA as he is choked out. He refuses. Rey is in the ring and uses his crutches Kidman and Konnan roll them up for the win. They are beaten after the match.

**1/2 Easily the best match of the night.

nWo are walking and talking in the back.

Match 7: Kevin Nash v. Wall

Nash and the Wall go back and forth. They slug it out with their usual offense. Wall drops him with a clothesline and now a big boot to the head. He motions for the chokeslam but Hall knocks him silly with a couple of bat shots.

*1/2

Here come the rest of the nWo. Spraypaint time.

After the break Wall refuses to be put in the ambulance and he rages.

Nash enters the shower and Hall leaves and talks to some one and then enters a room. Goldberg is there and they pan away as he attacks.

Nash is in the shower singing and soaping up his hair. Goldberg is right behind him. Same result. They pan to both Hall and Nash laid out!

Match 8: Chris Benoit v. Bret Hart (c) for WCW Title

Benoit stomps a hole in Bret and clotheslines him. The fight spills to the floor but Bret fights back and goes on the offensive. He brings him back in the ring and slams him and then drops the legs on the back of his head and sends him reeling with a running knee shot to the gut. Double armed DDT and Bret gets two. Now a backbreaker. Benoit fires back with some chops but he is taken down and Bret goes back to work. He pulls him up and rubs his face across the top rope. Bret hammers him but he is taken down and put in the Crossface! JJ comes in and wipes out Benoit with a guitar!

*** Man this was a fun match too….But Hart is a heel now.

Benoit is spraypainted as the fans chant Goldberg who rumbles to the ring and spears JJ! Bret runs and speeds off in a car. Goldberg sees the white limo and shatters the glass of it after a few shots. He has blood all over but hits another window and the hood. Jesus Christ.

**1/2 Not much wrestling. Two decent matches. Goldberg dropped his pipe that was in his sleeve for shattering the car windows. He decides to use his fist anyway. Fucking stupid….There goes the nWo angle! He looked at his arm and then hit the window twice more and nearly bled to death. Seriously. He nearly severed an artery. Fucking stupid. Don’t hit a car window five times with your forearm. I get it you are strong. Lunacy.