Written by: Kevin Kildenberger
RAW destroys Nitro with a near 6.8 to a 3.0 as this is the famous This is Your Life Rock episode. They are coming off a solid PPV and with three weeks to the next one they have a lot to cover. Hopefully they do not get to schizo because if I remember correctly that was one long ass segment.
Vince ended the ref strike. A strike that was pointless as they still had refs. They tried to make the scab refs worse, but all the refs are terrible, so it made no difference. Horrible angle.
Oh shit, a 700 hour HHH promo. He does not care about the fans booing him and brags about the title. He told everyone he was going to do it. He beat the best in the WWF and is the Game. He even beat the beloved Rock and he loved that Austin had to make the count. Austin is next, and he will be the last notch on his belt of success. He will not sleep or rest until he beats his ass. Here comes the Bulldog. Bulldog reminds him that they made a deal that HHH would give him a title shot on RAW. He bailed his ass out on SD and he did not come back to the WWF for nothing. He came back to become the WWF champ and tonight that belt is going around his waist. So is Davey a face now? HHH tells him to calm down before his bucket sized head pops off. HHH tells him that he lied his ass off. Davey keeps calling him Gameboy, and responds that he can take him out now or do it later on RAW for the title and the choice is HHH’s. HHH tells him screw you. Bulldog knew he would say that and tackles him and beats him down. Of course Chyna hits him and when he turns to go after her he is nutted and HHH and Chyna stomp a hole in him. Fuck Chyna is annoying. The refs run down and pulls them apart. Here comes Vince. He congratulates HHH on winning the title and hopes that Bulldog caused no bodily harm, but he is disappointed for not wanting to put the title on the line. Vince continues that HHH will not face Bulldog tonight but the man Bulldog screwed and that is the Rock. Bulldog is not happy nor is HHH. I thought Austin got the first shot….
JJ is with Tom Pritchard who was a scab ref and he is saying something to him.
Mankind has balloons and presents and someone who is covered up. He thinks Rock will go bananas.
JJ is walking with Tom and Kitty.
Test and Steph are going tux shopping. Horrible.
Here comes JJ and he does not any women coming out and getting hurt. He challenges Debra and Chyna in a tag match with Pritchard as his partner.
Match 1: Big Show v. Chris Jericho
Scamrock should be thrilled that he survived his match with Jericho with only a bodycast. His track record is destroying Road Dogg and Scamrock. Now his next victim is the biggest waste of sperm ever….Show is not happy.
Jericho runs into the ring and kicks him and then strikes with a spinkick. He hammers him but is caught and tossed. Prince Albert has come down and he is watching Show as he thinks he can beat him. Hughes interferes and him getting knocked down allows Jericho to take out the knee and he works that over. But he goes after the arm for some reason and he is picked up and slammed. Show has Jericho by the neck but Jericho grabs the ropes to block the chokeslam but it does not work. Show has him up for two hours until Prince Albert can missile kick him. The match was tossed before he even got all the way up top. Jericho scatters but runs into Road Dogg and he flees again while Hughes gets decked.
** Prince Albert? Why?
Mankind is talking to the covered person. Stevie Richards comes in and Mankind wants to know what he is doing. Stevie wants to be him, and Mankind does not want him to cut into his royalties, Stevie wants to be Dude Love because he is a chick magnet. Mankind is all for it and whispers to his covered friend that Dude was never a chick magnet and they hated him….
Chyna is ready for the match and warns Debra she could be a casualty.
Here comes Austin. He was pissed off when he found out that he did not get his title shot. He means no disrespect to the Rock but he was promised. He tells Vince to get his ass out here and here he comes and Austin tells him to put a spring in his step. Vince wonders stupidly if Austin wants an explanation. Austin calls him Einstein and wants to know. Vince thanks him for reinstating him. Vince agrees that he did promise him a rematch but not when. Austin is pissed and glares. Austin will get it at the PPV. Austin paces and wants to make sure he understands what Vince is saying because he has been so full of crap in the past. Vince assures him that he will get the rematch at the PPV. Austin warns him that he will stomp an epic mudhole in him as he plays with Vince’s collar if Vince does not keep his word.
GTV: Terri is with the Posse. She fucked the other two and is told to beat it while one of the Posse is pissed about being the caboose after she stormed away. Wow that is not horribly sexist at all.
Match 2: Steve Blackman v. D’Lo Brown (c) for WWF European Title
Droz has arrived. He is at the announce table. The match does not last long as Blackman uses the Kendo stick. Steve takes out the head of security. Droz attacks Brown and pukes on him. Mark Henry runs out and tries to help D’Lo but is shoved off….
DUD what a clusterfuck.
More Mankind and he is chanting Rock and Sock.
During the break Mankind asks Austin if he wants to come out and join the party. Austin begs off politely.
Here comes Mankind. He wants to make up for putting Socko in the Rock’s mouth. If Rock comes out that would be great. If not then the Rock and Sock Connection is dead. Here comes the Rock! The Rock is not happy about last night but it happens and he gets a title match tonight, so what the hell does Mankind want. Mankind is happy that the Rock is not mad but This Is Your Life Rock! Balloons fall from the ceiling replete with circus music. He wants the Rock to remember his yesteryear and first comes out his sixth grade Home Ec teacher and calls her by the wrong name. He calls her Griffith and the graphic says Shubert. I guess the latter is wrong. She is all excited, and the Rock stops her. All he wanted to do was make pancakes and she never let him. She made him cook other things. She was finally going to allow him to make his pancakes, but she ran out of Aunt Jemima. That is okay and wonders if she likes to cook still. Now he goes off on Jabroni Drive and checking into the SD hotel as she needs to shut her mouth and know here role. She leaves. Mankind has another suprise for him. The next voice is someone who wants him to drop and give him twenty. It is his HS football coach. Rock talks about high fiving the quarterback but he DDT’d him instead, and was taken out of the game. Rock had to run sprints in front of all his fans. Coach has a nice whistle and Rock wants him to give it a nice blow. Rock would like to do something special with that whistle, and he wants to shine it up real nice, turn that sumbitch sideways and stick it up his candy ass. Rock tells him to beat it and Mankind tells the Coach to hit the bricks too. Rock tells him to speed this bullcrap up as he has stuff to do. Mankind has something to show for the millions….Rock stops him and does not like that and shows him how to do it. Mankind wants to show the Rock’s sensitive side. The next voice is his high school sweetheart. She is all happy but the Rock puts out his hand and stops her. Rock tells a story about how they used to sit on her parents couch and kissed. She liked it. She whispered for him to go for second base and when his hand inched up her knee, and then she cut him off! He does not hold a grudge because he knows she wants to go one on one with the Great One and serve up a piece of that poontang pie! She has a classic look on her face. Rock loves pie but tells her to poontang her ass on out of here. Mankind is at a loss for words. When he tries to speak, the Rock cuts him off and tells him to listen to the fans chant his name and they do so. Mankind apologizes as he did not know that his teacher would be a bitch, the coach a jerk and his ex a skank. He has som presents and they are Rock and Sock jackets and he gets the fans to chant that. Mankind gives him another present and it is Mr. Rocko! He knows the Rock will love the next unveiling even though he does not know her. It is Yurple the Clown and she puts a lay on him and a sticker. Rock does not like her putting stickers on him and it does not matter what her name is. Now Mankind is irate as he went through a lot and sometimes the Rock is an ungrateful little man. She is important because she is going to lead the fans into a Happy Birthday song. They sing, and Rock calls him an SOB as his birthday is May 2nd. A cake was brought down. Mankind responds that everyday he spends with him feels like somebody’s birthday. HHH runs down and swings the sledgehammer and Rock wisely ducks and backs down the ramp glaring at HHH.
Here comes the Outlaws. I guess they are faces….Jesus, Mr. Ass sucks. I think I started saying nice things about him but he just looks like a dullard as he stares at nothing. He calls the other tag teams bitches or something like that. Road Dogg presents an open challenge. The Holly’ see that and want to go get the scale. Cue Kane’s music and I guess he is with X Pac again. Jesus fucking Christ could we EVER get a fucking explanation? I mean fuck…..I guess Russo wanted to tease a fucking break up for two months, thus creating tension and everyone wondering if they will stay together or not. Then they break up with some shitty Pac acting, for no real reason and everyone is sad. But then fuck, they have nothing else for them to do, so like the Outlaws they are put back together as if nothing happened and the fans will dig it….the dumb ones.
Match 3: New Age Outlaws (c) v. X Pac and Kane for WWF Tag Titles
Third match? Whatever works. Pac and Road Dogg shake hands before squaring off. Here come the Holly’s…. Pac and Road Dogg are getting nowhere until Pac is decked. Kane is in and all are going at it. Pac misses the Buster and Kane is doubleteamed. Holly’s who were at the announce table decide to enter the ring and the match is tossed out and they get obliterated….
* Jesus, the wrestling blows ass tonight.
Moolah and Mae Young call Ivory a tramp and will face her in an Evening Gown Match.
Match 4: Ivory v. Moolah and Mae Young
Moolah is shoved down and when Ivory messes with her shoe she is speared by Young and they roll around. This is atrocious. Ivory is hammered by Mae Young but she gets her gown ripped off and tossed to the floor. Moolah attacks and pounds Ivory and gets the win.
** Just for Mae Young in a bra and shorts!
Match 5: JJ and Tom Pritchard v. Chyna and Debra
JJ makes fun of women and talks about cooking and cleaning….Chyna is willing to fight but if she wins by pinning JJ she gets a rematch. Debra strolls down and shows off her body and Tom gets nutted by Chyna. I lost track, Chyna falls on a downed JJ and gets the win….She is out too. Debra and Kitty got into it….
Match 6: Rock v. HHH (c) for WWF Title
Austin is at the announce table. Rock takes it to HHH, and he beats on him in the crowd. He tosses him back over the barrier, but he is suplexed. Sorry, distracted but they have have been going back and forth beating on each other. Finally they get back in the ring and Rock’s Rock Bottom attempt is blocked. They tussle and HHH is catapulted into the corner. They go at it some more and HHH is nearly pinned after a Samoan Drop. HHH is clotheslined to the floor. But HHH makes Rock eat the table and clotheslines him. HHH has a chair, and wipes out the ref and then the Rock. Austin comes in and destroys HHH, and Rock strike with the Rock Bottom. But both are down. Rock lays over HHH and Earl slowly counts but Bulldog stops that and stomps the shit out of the Rock and then HHH. He powerslams HHH and it is over…..
*** This was fairly short but it was a brawl….every ending was filled with shenanigans but this was expected.
**1/2 You know, I remember watching this show too back in 99. The This is Your Life segment was classic but too long for my tastes. It just does not really hold up. Yes it was funny, but not as great as everyone recalls it to be because the Rock just did all his catchphrases. That part was ***1/2 as I did enjoy it. The rest sucked. The wrestling was shit minus the main event. They had to plow through everything in record time in order to fit everything in, and with a PPV in three weeks they have a lot to cover. Not the greatest start but the show overall was okay.
31-year old currently living in Syracuse, New York. Longtime fan of the New York Mets, Chicago Bulls and Minnesota Vikings. Avid fan of professional wrestling and write reviews/articles on the product. Usually focusing on the old school wrestling.