-We start with clips from Monday night. Flair presents the Undisputed Title(s) to Chris Jericho and tells him he’s going to face Stone Cold Steve Austin in a Steel Cage for the Undisputed Title! During the match, Booker T costs Stone Cold the title!
-We’re here in the Centennial Garden Arena in Bakersfield, California for Smackdown! with Micheal Cole and Tazz! Tonight, Rock and Rob Van Dam will take on Chris Jericho and the Undertaker!
Kurt Angle and William Regal vs. Rikishi and Edge
-Kurt Angle comes out to his new remixed music, followed by Regal, who is patted down for the brass knucks. Once he’s clear, Angle gives Regal the brass knuckles. Rikishi comes down next to a huge pop, as does Edge when he follows. Rikishi and Angle battle outside as Regal and Edge fight inside. Angle ducks in the ring and tags Regal. Rikishi clotheslines both men down. Clothesline by Angle and stomps by Regal. Tag to Angle. Double clothesline knocks both men down. Double tag. Edge clotheslines Regal. Punches to Angle and Regal. Angle goes for the Angle Slam, but Edge counters and tosses Angle into Regal. Spear to Regal, 1-2-3!
Here are your winners: Rikishi and Edge
-After the match, Angle takes out Edge, but Rikishi comes to the rescue. Rikishi backs it up to Angle and goes for the Stinkface, but Regal stops him. Angle holds Rikishi for Regal, but Regal accidentally hits Angle with the brass knucks! Stinkface to Regal. Regal hits Rikishi with the brass knuckles. Chairshot to Regal! (Crappy looking) Edgecution to Regal on the chair!
-Security is outside as Vince steps out of his limo. He introduces his guest, Booker T. Booker is loving the high life. Vince tells security to keep their eyes out for Stone Cold. He wants a dog to bite Austin’s ass. (What’s with Vince’s anal fixation? This can’t be healthy.)
-Regal says “bloody” a lot. (It’s funny, because he’s all bloody. It’s, like, irony and stuff. Cause he’s got blood all over his face, and he’s saying bloody. Get it?)
-Flair comes over to Vince and the Book to shake their hands. Ric got box seats for Vince and the Booker Man. Vince and Booker inspect the suite for Stone Cold, but Flair assures them it’s legit. Flair wants to coexist with Vince, since this is his show. Vince claims that he’s the boss, and Flair agrees.
-Lita walks around in the back, and Test starts talking to her. He knows what she’s going through. If she wants to go out, he’s available. She says she wants to be alone. He knows she wants him. He calls her a tease, with her blue underwear hanging out. (Ahahaha) Test tells Lita to punch him. He closes his eyes, and Jeff Hardy comes up close and says he’ll hit him. Jeff challanges Test to a match. Test tells him to “bring his girlfriend”.
Tajiri vs. Crash- Cruiserweight Title
-Tajiri comes out with Torrie first, followed by Crash. Waistlock by Tajiri, followed by a sleeper. Lots of mat wrestling ensues, until Tajiri goes for a Headscissors takedown off the top rope. Crash tosses him over the top rope onto the apron. Guillotine on the top rope by Crash. Torrie checks on Tajiri, but Crash scares her away. Crash tosses him back in the ring. Tilt-O-Whirl backbreaker by Crash, 1-2-kickout. Tajiri sets up the Tree of Woe and hits the dropkick in the face. Handspring elbow by Tajiri. Tarantula by Tajiri! Tajiri misses the Kick of Death, and Crash goes for the Hurricanrana pin, but Tajiri wriggles out. Tajiri gets the Hurricanrana pin for the 1-2-3!
Here is your winner and STILL Cruiserweight Champion: Tajiri
-After the break, Crash takes out Tajiri and goes after Torrie. The lights go out! Stand back, there’s a Hurricane comin’ through! Yes! Yes! It’s the HURRICANE! Hurricane stands in true superhero fashion on the top rope when the lights come on! Flying cross body onto Crash! Eye of the Hurricane! Torrie appreciates Hurricane’s aid!
-Storm comes into Flair’s office and starts bugging him. Flair wants Storm to leave him alone. Storm asks if he hired Hurricane, which he did. Storm says that he carried Hurricane when they were a tag team. Storm wants one more chance. Flair says he’ll give him one absolutely final last chance.
– Vince wonders about Hurricane when someone knocks on the door. They say they brought food for Vince. Booker thinks they brought Stone Cold’s order. They decide they’re going to eat it, they just have to heat it up.
Test vs. Jeff Hardy
-Test comes out first, followed by Jeff with Lita. Test takes it to Jeff from the very beginning. Jeff tosses Test outside and hits a baseball slide, followed by a suicide dive. Jeff jumps off the barricade right into a clothesline. Test tosses Jeff in the ring and psyches out Earl Hebner (gee, I never can get tired with these angles with referees, that’s for sure). Stall suplex by Test, 1-2-kickout. Jawbreaker by Jeff, followed by a flying forearm and a low blow. Whisper in the Wind by Jeff. Lita gets on the top rope and hits the Litarana. Jeff goes up top, but Test kicks Earl into the ropes, knocking Jeff down. Big boot to Jeff off the top rope! Earl calls for the bell.
Here is your winner via DQ: Jeff Hardy
-After the match, Test punches Earl. Rock comes down, spears Test and hits a Rock Bottom.
-Vince wants some food, but there’s a fire by the cheeseburgers. Vince fires a cook and puts out the fire. He and The Book eat some fries. Matt and the APA are backstage playing cards. Farooq asks suggestive questions about Lita’s Hurricanrana. Bradshaw calms him down and gets back to the game. Farooq then asks about Lita’s thongs.
-Vince can’t believe the stench from the fire. Firefighters come in, looking for the fire. Vince says they’re no better than cops. They’re never there when you need them. Austin pulls off his firefighter’s hat and beats on Vince! Austin beats on Booker through the crowd. Austin beats the Book all the way down to ringside, and Booker runs like a schoolgirl on heroin! Booker dives into the limo and drives (rides) off. Stone Cold gets in his truck and goes after Booker!
Lance Storm vs. Kane
-Storm comes out first, and the pyros flare, ’cause Storm is gonna face the Big Red Machine! Stirn attacks Kane from behind, but Kane takes it to Storm. Back body drop by Kane. Big boot by Kane. Lance counters he vertical suplex and spears Kane’s leg. Kick to the side of the head by Storm. Spinning heel kick off the top rope by Storm, 1-2-kickout. Superkick, but Kane says standing. Lance counters the sidewalk slam, but
Kane hits the chokeslam for the 1-2-3!
-Farooq is still talking about Lita’s thongs, but Bradshaw continues to try to stop him. Farooq asks if she’s a natural redhead. Bradshaw says maybe he should ask Jeff. Matt flips out and says if they won’t play cards, maybe they want to fight. Farooq asks what’s with him. Bradshaw says that maybe she isn’t a natural redhead.
Dudley Boyz and Christian vs. Scotty 2 Hotty, Albert, and Tazz
-The Dudleyz and Stacy come out with Christian, and “I have the personality of a rock” Albert comes out with Scotty. Tazz follows last. (If they continue to call Albert the Hip Hop Hippo, I might just have to shoot myself) D-von starts it off byt ambushing Albert. Clothesline by Albert. Jabs by Albert. Tag to Scotty. Albert lifts Scotty, and uses him as a battering ram against D-Von. Scotty takes it to D-Von, Bubba, and Christian with punches. Christian and Bubba grab his legs and pull him into the post, crotch first. Tag to Christian. Knee to the nuts and a clothesline by Christian, 1-2-kickout. Chokes by Christian. Scotty battles back, but Christain hits a Russian leg sweep, 1-2-kickout. Tag to Bubba. Bubba takes it to Scotty and tags Christian. Superkick by Scotty. Tag to Tazz. Clotheslines to Christain. T-Bone Suplex by Tazz. 1-2-kickout, all six men get in the ring. Everyone goes out except Scotty and Christian. Bulldog, and Scotty goes for the W-O-R-M, but Stacy tries to hit on him. Alber pulls off her skirt and starts pointing and laughing, but the Dudleyz hit the 3D on Scotty. Albert is clotheslined over the top rope by the Dudleyz. Albert pulls out D-Von. Tazz T-Bone suplexes Bubba. Christian goes for the Unprettier, but Tazz locks in the Tazzmission! Albert taps out!
Here are your winners: Scotty 2 Hotty, Albert, and Tazz
-In the back, Vince gets a call from Booker. Booker says he’s all right. He’s not scared of that sucka Stone Cold. He’s going to get a cappacino at the supermarket. Tell me Booker didn’t just see that. He just saw Austin’s truck.
Matt Hardy vs. Bradshaw
-Out comes Matt Hardy, followed by Bradshaw. Matt wastes no time. Shoulder block by Bradshaw. Scoop slam by Bradshw and a few elbows, 1-2-kickout. Clothesline by Bradshaw. Bradshaw goes for the super back suplex, but Matt counters and hits a moonsault, 1-2-kickout. Swinging nexkbreaker by Matt, 1-2-ckout. Matt goes for the flying cross body, but Bradshaw hits the fallaway slam, 1-2-kickout. Bradshaw takes it to Matt. Suplex by Bradshaw. Tornado DDT off the top rope by Matt Hardy. Russian leg sweep and the legdrop off the second rope by Matt, 1-2-kickout. Matt goes for the Twist of Fate, Bradshaw counters, misses the Clothesline from Hell. Matt goes for the Twist of Fate again, Bradshaw counters, misses the Clothesline from Hell AGAIN, but hits it on his third try for the 1-2-3!
Here is your winner: Bradshaw
-Ric comes into Vince’s office, talking on the phone. Vince asks him who he’s talking to, but Ric blows him off. Ric says the man on the phone wants to talk to Vince. It’s Stone Cold. What? Stone Cold Steve Austin. What? The man Vince screwed at Vengeance. What? The man Vince and Booker screwed out of the Undisputed title on RAW. What? Guess where he is? At the Green Frog Grocery Store, cause he needs to get some groceries. So, after he whoops Booker’s ass, he’s going to get some Pop Tarts (The core of my existence, by the way…the Frosted Cinnamon and Brown Sugar ones….mmmm…) That’s the bottom line, cause Stone Cold said so. What does Flair have to say for himself? You guessed it…WHOO!
-During the break, Vince was trying to call Booker T to let him know about Austin. Booker’s cell phone is dead. Flair offers Vince a seat.
-Booker’s shoppng for some cereal. He opens a box of Corn Pops, but he hears Austin over the speaker. “You better get outta aisle 2, sucka!”- The King. He sees a white bald guy from behind and whoops his ass. Booker hears a beer can open, and Stone Cold is right behind him. Austin whoops on Booker T. “Not the produce section!”- The King. We see a whole lot of asswhoopin’, as Stone Cold pours numerous grocery store items all over the Booker Man. Austin starts to sing “That’s Amore”. (I thought we were done with Stone Cold singing…correction, I PRAYED we were done with Stone Cold singing) Booker finally hits a kick to the face of Austin. Booker takes it to Austin and thhrows him in a storage ares, but he comes right back out through the refrigerated area. Austin then puts Booker in the shopping cart and puts him on the conveyer belt. Austin hears sirens and hightails it. Ric said he knew Vince would enjoy the show.
-We see a clip from Vengeance where Undertaker chokeslams RVD off the ramp through the tables to win the Hardcore title!
Chris Jericho and the Undertaker vs. Rob Van Dam and the Rock
-The Undisputed champion comes out first, followed by the Undertaker, who is STILL getting huge pops (Even Micheal Cole calling him “sick and sadistic” isn’t getting him heat? We’re in trouble!) RVD comes out next, followed by the Rock. Rock starts off with the Undertaker. Rock goes after Jericho, and Taker takes it to him. Rock turns the tables and takes it to Taker. Clothesline by Rock. Swinging neckbreaker by Rock. Taker takes Rock down from behind. Jericho tags in. Clothesline by Jericho. Punches and chops by Jericho. Facebuster by Rock. Punch and a guillotine by the Undertaker. Spinning heel kick by Jericho, 1-2-kickout. Verrical suplex by Jericho. Jericho poses with the cover, 1-2-kickout. Tag to Taker. Back suplex by Taker, 1-2-kickout. Choke by Taker. Clothesline by Taker. Flying forearm by Taker. Taker scoops up Rock, but Rock counters and hits a kick and a DDT. Who will make that tag? Tag to RVD! Martial arts kick off the top rope. Senton by RVD. Spinning heel kicks to Jericho and Taker. Flip off the top rope on Taker. RVD covers, but Jericho comes to break up the three count. RVD sees him, and Jericho plants an albow onto Taker. RVD kicks Y2J outside. Big Boot by Taker, who tosses RVD outside. Jericho takes down RVD outside, nailing him with the board form the announce table. Jericho tosses RVD inside. Taker covers for the two count. Tag to Jericho. Jericho punches, slaps the face, and then hits the chops on RVD. Flying forearm by Jericho, 1-2-kickout. Jericho flexes for Rock. Tag to Taker. Taker takes it to RVD. Choke by Jericho. Taker goes for the Old Skool drop, but Rock distracts him, and RVD knocks him off! Double clothesline takes out both me. Double tag! Rock lays the smack down on Jericho. Flying forearm by Rock. Belly to belly by Rock. Shots to Taker off the apron. Spinebuster to Jericho. Rock nails the People’s Elbow, but Taker pulls out the ref! Taker clotheslines Rock. Tag to RVD. RVD misses the Five Star Frog Splash, and Jericho locks in the Walls of Jericho, but Rock breaks it up! Taker goes ater Rock, but Rock clotheslines him over the top and goes after him. Jericho comes in with the chair, but RVD hits the Van Daminator for the 1-2-3!
Here are your winners: Rock and Rob Van Dam
Match of the Night: Tajiri vs. Crash. Good, interesting mat wrestling at the beginning. Good finish at the end. Let’s hope this is a beginning of a push for the cruiserweight/light heavyweight division.
Man of the Night: The Hurricane! After a much-missed absence, the HURRICANE returns in all his glory! Everything is ‘supwitdat!
Quotation of the Night: “Once you go Test, you forget about the rest!”- Test