Written by: Kevin Kildenberger
Ratings shot up to a nice 5.1 just three days before the PPV. Plus Ah-nold is on the show tonight. AKA the Terminator! End of Days came out this month. Yes, I saw it in the theater, no I do not have a life.
Call me crazy but what befuddles me about DX is that they were just fighting about who owned the rights and despised each other. Now they are back together and nope it has never been explained. Then again the WWF needs to explain nothing! Sorry, I will swallow my self-righteousness.
Oh they had come down to the ring and brag about being on top again. A metaphor for Steph. They recap what they did to her on RAW, and Vince and Shane’s reaction. They pull out her dress and talk about stains and DNA. They do not care about Schwarzenegger being on the show. Not going to write that. HHH will be the most capable man at the PPV. He talks about mistakes and he does not make any. He continues on the same shit over and over. He being the champ and will be the champ. He wants to show Steph from last week again. Instead a sad Vince shows on the screen and here he comes. He could fire everyone of them. He could also come back with an equalizer and leave everyone a bloody mess. He is going to have his fun at the PPV as the guest ref. Tonight there will be another SS style match tonight: Shane, Test, Kane and the Rock (Clearly resting Austin who still has not recovered from his neck and knee issues….of course that neck injury was horrific). The guest enforcer is SCSA. DX are not too happy. HHH responds and Vince can make all the threats he wants because every time he looks at Steph is she smiling because Test is so bad in the sack or DX that good. Test charges down and gets destroyed. Vince swaggers down and Test is tossed to the floor. Test has a bloodied nose.
They pan to a graveyard. Show’s dad….
Preview for Dogma!
Vince is with Brisco and Patterson and they are waiting for Arnold.
Match 1: Edge v. Hardcore Holly
Hardcore runs him over and goes for a powerbomb, but Edge punches him in the head only to be dropped throat first onto the top rope. Holly runs him over again. Holly stands on the back of his neck choking him out on the bottom rope. Edge counters with leg sweep but runs right into a vertical suplex. Holly goes up top but leaps right into a boot. Both are slow in getting up. Edge goes on off on him and gets two after a Plex. Edge strikes with a Tornado DDT and gets two more. Holly though comes back with a dropkick and again he takes an hour going up top and he is crotched. Edge goes up and superplexes him off and they get wrapped up and Holly gets his shoulder up and gets the win.
**1/2 Not bad.
Still waiting for Arnold. A limo has arrived. They open it and out he comes and he and Vince hug and they are all like giddy school girls.
Match 2: Godfather and D’Lo Brown v. Dudley Boyz
Godfather takes down Bubba Ray with a big boot and he delivers an elbow and gets one. Brown gets the tag. Bubba gets away and tags in Devon who hammers away and then slams Brown before dropping the elbow. He slams him again and tags in Bubba who misses a guillotine legdrop. Brown cannot maintain any offense as he is dropkicked and worked over. Brown counters with a powerbomb and he gets two. But Bubba is able to make the tag, and Devon and D’Lo go back and forth but Devon is powerbombed and here comes the Godfather who takes on both Dudleys. Ho Train time but Bubba sticks him. Those two brawl on the floor as D’Lo takes out Devon but for some reason the Ho’s are distracting the ref and the Dudleys get a much needed win.
DX is bitching about being one upped by Vince and Austin. Pac is wearing a fedora and jokes that Arnold is here tonight. Or I should say jokes about him.
The funeral. They are just carrying the casket.
Match 3: Val Venis v. British Bulldog
Val hammers him from the outset but Bulldog counters with a suplex getting two.Davey tosses him to the floor and the Posse swarm.They randomly decide to get in the ring and continue the assault. Now Steve Blackman and Mark Henry arise from the dead and it is a donnybrook. Gangrel too.
NR. A lot of those guys are going to be in a SS match? Jesus.
Rock and Arnold talk Hollywood and Jabronis. Well, the Rock will soon be there and is now bigger than Arnold!
Recap of Show and Bossman feud. Earlier today now at the funeral. Show is all in leather and talking about his dad. Bossman is in a car with a giant megaphone making fun of Show and his dad. Show goes after him and for some reason climbs on the car and he is taken out. Bossman takes some chains and wraps it around the casket. He drives off with it as the Show hangs on! Okay that was a bit funny!
Bossman has come out and is called an asshole. Even Lawler is appalled! More dead jokes. Farooq has come out and promises to shove the Hardcore belt up Bossman’s ass.
Match 4: Big Bossman (c) v. Farooq for WWF Hardcore Title
Farooq charges and tackles Bossman. He lays waste and runs him to the floor and into the announce table. He takes off the padding from the barrier and Bossman is run into it. He climbs up on the announce table and leaps into Bossman with a chair getting two. Now he rams him with the steps and gets another two count. Bossman kicks back the steps and then shoves Farooq down and now he goes to work. But he misses the charge and is posted and Farooq has a cable and chokes him out with it. He wraps him around the post and chokes him out. Albert comes down and maces Farooq and now steps are dumped on top of him and Bossman wins.
** Okay brawl. Both had to look strong.
Bradshaw charges down and takes out both heels.
Kevin Kelly is with Chyna and this is one of the worst feuds in wrestling. Chyna is a face now and Kitty talks about his penis size (Not Chyna’s) and VaChyna envy too.
Poor Jericho. He comes out and informs Chyna that she will be bow down and kiss the feet of the savior of the WWF.
Arnold is getting interviewed by some random hot girl for WWF. He brags about his movie and the fans. They clearly had sex.
DX is up to something. They watched it and talk about starting something tonight.
Rock tells his team that they need to lay the SD on DX.
Match 5: Brian Christopher v. Jeff Hardy
They go back and forth Brian is knocked to the floor and Jeff slingshots on top of him with a senton bomb. But back in the ring Brian takes him out and suplexes him getting two. Jeff comes back with a hurracarana and gets two. He goes up top but Scotty tries to stop him but is kicked off. Terri is running distraction so his crossbody means nothing. Matt tries to help and Jeff leaps off but misses. He lands perfectly in the corner but is spiked and finished.
** So what the fuck are they doing with the Hardys?
Arnold and Austin confer. Arnold is so fucking awkward, just talking about fighting the devil.
Vince is in the ring and brags about Arnold defeating Barbarians and Terminators and getting a strip tease from Jamie Lee Curtis. He will beat the devil in his new movie….I will not give away the ending. Here he comes. DX is watching from the back. Vince presents Arnold with a title belt. Arnold talks about the fans and and being fantastic and the movie and Vince giving him the belt. Damn the fans love him though! I would too….He calls Vince a champ and he has built an empire. An evil one I would say! Trailer from the movie. DX whines about it.
DX is lying in wait for Arnold and instead stomp the shit out of some random. They stop briefly but finish the job!
Match 6: Ivory v. Tori
All the women are down including Moolah and Mae. Mae just falls! This is horrible. Bell has rung after about two minutes of horribleness. Debra and Terri are pushing at each other.
DX is looking for Arnold and open the wrong door. HHH is grabbed by Kane and he goes off on DX and Shane and the Rock are there too and it is on! Officials pull them off.
Arnold is at the announce table. He is talking about sponsors. Lawler begs for another autograph! Arnold wonders what is wrong with him.
Match 7: Survivor Series Match
Test is getting his nose checked out. Everyone is going at it inside the ring. Rock and HHH are brawling on the floor. Kane is kicked to the floor but pulls Pac out. They fight up the ramp. In the ring is Road Dogg and Shane with Road Dogg pummeling him. HHH comes in and works over Shane. Road Dogg is back in and Shane comes back and gets in a couple of moves but gets his eye poked.Mr. Ass is in. He beats Shane momentarily and then tags in HHH who taunts the Rock and sucker punches him as he gets Shane near him. Road Dogg now and Shane rabbit punches him but it is shake, rattle and roll time and down goes Shane. Arnold has no clue. Lawler yells that Road Dogg likes it Doggy Style, no response. Rock makes a save but Shane is crushed via a Famouser and Shane is out. Three on one! Rock gets in and is surrounded. Test runs down and DX turns their back and is assaulted by the Rock and Test is in and uses his boot to choke out Road Dogg. Rock is pulled to the floor and Ass wallops Test with a chair. Mr. Ass gets a random DQ. In the ring Road Dogg gets two on Test. Test is able to finally make the tag and Rock takes out both DX members. HHH has to make the save but gets punched over the top rope. Rock Bottom on Road Dogg and it is over for him. Arnold is moaning yes…..HHH eats a swinging neckbreaker and Rock gets two. Test is in and he hammers away but is uppercutted right in the nuts. HHH gets two. HHH knocks out the ref and the fight is on the floor. Austin runs at HHH with a chair and knocks out the Rock. Arnold though gives Austin a chair and he wallops HHH and Test covers him for the win.
**1/2 Nice to give Test the win. A little revenge.
HHH goes after Arnold who does a nice bit of bobbing and weaving and he wails on HHH! Austin comes over and finishes the job!
Arnold and Austin drink beers. Apparently the Rock gets none and is still out cold!
*** Not bad. Once again nothing offensive. The Bossman feud is rather lame but it was funny to see Show straddling the casket as Bossman drives off with it! They set up the PPV and the only issue was randomly bringing in the lower card guys who I had no clue were involved. Also, Acolytes are with the Dudleys, and that makes little sense as the former are now becoming faces and have no history. Some of this seems to be just put together to get as many involved as possible. We will see how it pans out. Also, looking back Too Cool needed a win, so do the Hardys but my guess is that will happen at the PPV.