WWF Superstars 5/18/1991

Written by: Tom Hopkins

We’re in Omaha and we’re celebrating Armed Forces Day. Macho and Roddy argue over who is going to win the Warrior/Smash match.

-Smash vs. Ultimate Warrior-
I don’t think there will be any commercial breaks during this match. Let’s see, we have punches, kicks that miss by a mile, blind charges that don’t meet with any success, Fuji cheap shots, clotheslines and a Warrior comeback. The flying tackle/big splash combo gets the pinfall at 5:02. This was about 5 minutes too long. DUD.

We head to the Update Center with Mean Gene. Gene recounts the Mountie attack on Boss Man from last week. We hear from the Mountie (w/Jimmy Hart) and he has it in for the Boss Man.

-Power & Glory vs. Dan Robbins & Buck Zumhoff-
You know your team sucks when they don’t get an entrance. Roma dropkicks Zumhoff right into a tag to Robbins. For some reason we hear from the Bushwhackers. I guess they want to fight Power and Glory? I’m happy I never saw that match. Roma ends this with an axehandle onto Robbins who is tied up in a torture rack and damn, it looked like Robbins fell right on his head. This thing ran 3:26 which was entirely too long for a tag-team squash match. DUD.

We go to Sean Mooney and the event center. We hear from Greg Valentine (who declares it Hammer Time) and the greatest IC champ ever, Mr. Perfect.

-Irwin R. Schyster vs. Red Tyler-
This is IRS’ wrestling debut. He has brown tights on with his shirt, suspenders and tie. He would wrestle in pants shortly afterwards. IRS shows he’s really a heel by locking on an abdominal stretch and using the ropes for leverage. A Samoan Drop finishes this at 2:15. Vince calls that the Write-Off, though his finisher would change to a flying clothesline. ½*.

Sean Mooney joins us at the Event Center and we hear from the Undertaker (who pushes along the Warrior feud) and Tugboat.

-British Bulldog vs. Tony Squire-
Bulldog is the #1 contender to the IC title according to our announce crew. Bulldog hiptosses Squire and he goes to work on the arm. He decides to switch rest-holds and puts on a reverse chinlock. He changes his mind again and goes back to the arm. The power slam mercifully ends this at 2:37. Even the referee sucked in this match. DUD.

Gene brings out Ted DiBiase and Sensational Sherri. Ted talks about Virgil and Piper and says all the right things to rile up the crowd.

-Jake Roberts vs. Tom Bennett-
This is Jake’s first show since his snake was crushed by Earthquake. We hear from Earthquake as Jake works the arm of Bennett. The jobber wants the snake out of the ring and tries to kick at it and Jake just explodes. He short-arm clotheslines Bennett and the fans know what that means. The DDT ends this at 3:02. ½*.

We hear from Aaron Baker of the WBF.

-Barbarian vs. Sonny Blaze-
Blaze puts up little fight, and even the announcers make fun of Blaze for being such a jobber. A big boot ends this farce at 1:33. DUD. These two actually fought on the December 22nd, 1990 show.

We hear from the Rockers who want to win the Tag Titles and Sgt. Slaughter who wants to win the WWE title. Both of them failed.

We run down the show for next week and we’re over.

-The Bottom Line-
This sucked. Next, please.