Written by: Tom Hopkins
We’re in Wheeling West Virginia and Vince says it’s almost time for Forest Products Week or something like that. Where did he come up with this stuff? He’s joined by Macho Man and Roddy Piper. Jake Roberts is here tonight and Macho isn’t too pleased about this.
-Jake Roberts vs. Bill Paris-
Jake has some weird intro music where he says “Trust Me” before the music hits. Jake puts out his hand to shake and Bill slaps it away but that’s about all the offense he’ll get. Jake just destroys the guy, ramming him into the corner, knocking him down and stepping on his hand before dropping knees to the back. I like how he stepped on the hand in response for getting his hand slapped away before. Jake hits the short-arm clothesline and Roberts fans will know that sets up the DDT. Sure enough, it’s the DDT that ends this at 1:28. Roberts drives an elbow into the face of Paris as he’s covering him which shows how nasty Roberts is. Man, when this guy wants to be a heel he plays it to a T. Jake takes out the cobra afterwards to torment Paris with.
Mean Gene is here at the Update Center this is brought to us by Rampage 1991, the new WWE Coliseum Video. There’s a look at Paul Bearer’s home in there so you better buy it! Gene talks about the Survivor Series and the big match that was signed – Hogan vs. Undertaker for the WWE Title. Hogan says he will bury Taker but Taker promises to bury Hulk and all his Hulkamaniacs.
-Texas Tornado vs. Brooklyn Brawler-
Kerry wrings the arm of Brawler early but is knocked down by a Brawler shoulderblock. Brawler charges but is dumped to the outside. Kerry holds the ropes open to allow the Brawler back in but the Brawler pulls him out and tries to send him into the ringpost. Tornado reverses that and brings the Brawler back in. The discus punch ends this at 1:23. They fit a lot into a 90 second match.
We cut to Mooney (and I think something was cut out) and he brings us a promo from Ted DiBiase, who has Sherri with him. Ted promises he’ll get the Million Dollar Title back. We also hear from the Anvil. Anvil says he’s getting matched up with crazy opponents like Skinner and Berzerker. Anvil cuts an equally crazy promo which was actually pretty damn good.
We see another El Matador vignette! Tito walks out in his Matador outfit and the fans go wild. We see Tito bttling the bull, though it’s clearly not Tito in there but his voice just overdubbed and close-ups of his face thrown in.
-Natural Disasters vs. Dyane Gill, Barry Hardy & Jim Arnon-
This is a 3-on-2 match but the two have the three outweighed by quite a bit. Quake and Gill start and Gill is immediately shouldered into the corner. Gill is tossed around and elbow dropped. Quake sends Hardy to his teammates and Hardy is tagged in. Typhoon comes in for some time to play and he’s clotheslined down. It’s time to bring in Arnon. He takes a splash in the corner from Quake who then send in Hardy and Gill into Arnon. Typhoon is sent into the three of them and Earthquake just adds to the splash sandwich. Gill and Hardy are tossed and Arnon takes a powerslam followed by a butt splash and a Typhoon splash for the pinfall at 3:07. This really defines, quite literally, a SQUASH.
It’s back to the Event Center! Mooney talks about the Hot Ticket event featuring the Hulkster and this is the FINAL WEEKEND YOU CAN SEE IT! Relive Wrestlemania III! Let’s hear from the British Bulldog. Davey says he’s battling all the best competition in the WWE like THE BULLY. He’s quite tough that one. Bulldog can powerslam ANYONE! That’s the only promo we hear which is odd because there’re usually two of them.
-Ric Flair vs. Ron Cumberledge-
The jobber actually a good look to him. He’s muscular unlike a lot of the other far jobbers you’ll see. Flair has the big gold belt with him. Piper is shown refusing to watch the match and not talking. This is Flair’s first match on Superstars. WHOOOOOO. Flair trips Ron and boots him. He chops at him in the corner before snapmaring him over and dropping a knee to Ronnie’s face. The fans start chanting Hogan as Flair delivers more chops. Flair hits a kneecrusher and it’s figure-four time. This one is over at 1:20. You can tell the difference between Flair and everyone else on the show and how much better he was than most everyone else on the roster.
We see footage of the Hulkster as a kid which is another promo for the Hot Ticket event. Speaking of Hogan, his opposition at Survivor Series is Undertaker and speaking of Undertaker, it is time for the Funeral Parlor! The casket in the background has Hogan’s name all over it. Bearer brings out Hacksaw. Jim Duggan and this should be interesting. Duggan doesn’t like that Hogan’s name is on the special casket of Bearer’s. Duggan says something about being “board” and leaves and Bearer cackles away saying that Hogan won’t survive the Survivor Series.
-Sid Justice vs. El Diablo-
Sid walks down saying his catchphrase (I believe that Justice Will Be Served!). The bell sounds but right away Undertaker’s music hits and the deadman walks out with Paul Bearer and Bearer has a briefcase with him. In fact, it looks like the same on that Money Inc would use to crush Beefcake’s face. Bearer gives El Diablo the briefcase and he leaves, allowing Undertaker to get into the ring. What is this? Is this for real? The two stare each other down and Taker goes right for the throat. Sid returns fire and he backs Taker into the corner. El Diablo runs back in but it’s not Diablo, it’s Jake Roberts. Jake attacks from behind and chokes him with the belt. Sid takes a DDT as Bearer rolls out a casket. Sid is tied up in the ropes and Jake slaps him. Jake opens the briefcase and guess what is in there? It’s a huge King Cobra. Hacksaw Jim Duggan runs out and makes the save, but not before knocking over the casket. He frees Sid and the two of them stay at ringside being stopped from going in by that cobra.
-The Rockers vs. 2 Jobbers-
The jobbers weren’t announced and I guess it doesn’t really matter. Jannetty starts with the guy who is wearing Jimmy Snuka tights. The other jobber looks like Baron Raschke. The first 90 seconds is really boring with nothing happening. Shawn is tagged in and jobber one takes a double savant kick. The fake Baron is tagged in and he gets in one shot in the corner before charging into a boot. Shawn forearms him down and press slams Jannetty onto him to get the pinfall at 2:23. The Rockers are usually good but this match was exceptionally bad with about 5 moves thrown in.
Sgt. Slaughter is at the Iwo Jima Memorial and he regrets turning his back on his country. HE WANTS HIS COUNTRY BACK! Let’s head to Mooney for more promo’s. We have Mr. Fuji and the Berzerker first. He calls out Hogan and the Undertaker and he did have a feud with at least one of those guys. Big Boss Man calls out the IRS. That’s all for this week. It looks like next week we’ll see: Ted DiBiase, the debut of El Matador, the Undertaker and Rowdy Roddy Piper!
-The Bottom Line-
Wow, this was an impressive episode. Where do we start? Well, it’s the debut of Ric Flair. Next we have an awesome Sid/Jake/Taker segment which kicked a whole bunch of ass. The vignettes were enjoyable, too. This was one of the best episodes in recent memory. It looks like Classics.com is upping the enjoyment of these since each episode will have a little introduction video before the show which will probably have a match from a TV show that sets up the Superstars episode. I can’t wait. Classics.com said they think this will be one of the most watched episodes and really, it should be. Check it out.