Written by: Kevin Kildenberger
The WWF is not very good. I scratch my head trying to figure out how it became so popular. Last week was damn awful. They have jumped the shark with the Corporate Ministry crap. It is just too much. Now we have Beaver Cleaver and GDTV. I like sex as much, if not more than the next person, but to have it so blatantly flung into my face at EVERY opportunity, such as EVERY fucking segment, I grow weary. One thing for sure, it was new to viewers, sex sells, and it lures in the youth viewer. The end of the 90s saw a proliferation of “edgy” viewing such as nudity on NYPD Blue, or the growth in comedies such as Austin Powers and American Pie where sex jokes are a dime a dozen. Watch the Merchants of Cool, a PBS Frontline done in 2000 that describes this phenomenon. The WWF was seen as anti-authority, much like the popular music at the times. Austin flipped off the “man” and no matter what he did he could not bring him down. Fans were rightfully attracted to a guy who swills beer, swears, flips people off and kicks ass. Jesus, it is lightening in a bottle and it worked. You add in hot girls, crazy stipulations, strip teases and every inneundo that you can shake a stick at and you have an unbeatable formula. Unfortunately, the downside is that it permeates every part of the show. One wonders how long it can go before a backlash. Fans may want to see wrestling again or tire of Vince v. Austin as there is no logical conclusion. Now that Austin is CEO we will get months of that and then be back at square one. The great unveiling last week and Vince looked like a buffoon because he was immediately undermined. Immediately. Why not allow him a show where he lords over his power and has the CM run rampant, and when things look bleak after a month Austin comes in as CEO to save the day. It just seems so much happens, too much. There will be more swerves and they will be mostly nonsensical too. There is entertainment to be found for sure as the WWF has found the formula with young stars, or youngish stars who are solid in the ring and have off the charts charisma. Also, do the unveiling at a PPV like SummerSlam. I don’t know, everyone talks about a backlash against WCW but the WWF will have its day of reckoning as they keep pushing the same people and do the same damn thing, but they package a hell of a lot better and usually pace their show better. Also the show is now cool and edgy while WCW still has the smell of an old folks home. RAW wins handily with a 6.65 while Nitro was around a 3.1 or 2.
Austin has crossed off Vince’s name on the parking spot and he has his own spot now.
Austin is talking to workers outside who have wheelbarrows. He enters the Titan Towers and asks the girl where his office is (receptionist). She answers the phone and is real polite. That irks him and he teaches her how to do it and when he answers he does his Austin routine and says he fired the sonofabitch Vince and hangs up. Now she answers the next call with: “What the hell do you want!”
Here comes Vince and company. He does not appreciate being called an asshole. What is worse is Austin becoming the CEO. Last week was supposed to be a celebration after three months of scheming. It was the greatest and most machiavellan plan in WWF history. Sometimes plans go awry and they test the mettle of a man and an organization. He questions if the people think there cracks in the CM facade and it will not disintegrate tonight or any night. The fans are drowning him out as he talks about future plans. He has Shane’s attention about what to do about Austin. Maybe because Austin is not here yet they are making plans for the show. A dog collar match between Ass and Road Dogg. Shane wants a David v. Goliath match at first he was talking about Austin v. Shane and Vince. But it is X Pac v. Show. Now Acolytes v. Kane. They are Austin matches, like what he did last week. Vince is pissed that Test took Steph out on a date and wants him blindfolded against the Bossman. Now a straitjacket match: Shamrock will be stuck in it and he will face Jarrett. This will be a night remembered by the fans for a long time. Patterson and Brisco come out and tell him to hold on and Patterson makes sure he has attention. Patterson wants answers as he questions Vince, which flabbergasts him. Vince tells him to back off. Patterson tells him that if this is a threat he and Shane can go to hell. Brisco agrees. Since Vince owns their two asses then they will face Mideon and Viscera.
The WWF office stuff was earlier today. He is strolling in the corridors and yells at someone to get his ass to work. He enters Vince’s giant office and chuckles. There are three girls and one gets Vince’s coffee the other a wine, which Austin likes every now and again. The third is their back up. The first asks if he wants coffee. It is 10:00 and where he comes from they do not drink coffee that late. Instead he will have a beer and the other asks if he wants food, and admits his stomach is rumbling and so will take another beer. The third asks if he would like a beer, nope he will take a 7 and 7! He is told there is a board meeting in five….he does not like board games!
Match 1: Road Dogg v. Mr. Ass
Road Dogg does his thing and is happy he gets the chance to kick Ass’s ass. Ass comes down with a neckbrace and acts injured and the fans chant BS. Road Dogg yells that Kane is there and Ass jerks around. The ref makes him take it off and he assaults Road Dogg. He is not locked in the collar. He tosses Road Dogg out to the floor and hits him with it and gets a two count. Road Dogg attacks and here comes Chyna. Fucking annoying. Yup she interferes and Ass wins after hitting the Famouser.
* I guess Chyna is facing Dogg at the PPV.
She and Ass beat his ass. Ass moons him.
Shamrock has arrived and Slaughter tells him he has police as an escort and Shamrock tells him that if he is not being arrested he better get out of his way.
Here comes the Rock! He tells UT that since he interfered in his match he directly checked himself into the SD Hotel. He did not impress the Rock by sacrificing souls and rolling his eyes in the back of his head. He challenges him to one on one against the Great One at the PPV. He talks about goosebumps and the fans chanting his name and they do so over and over! Rock is going to his 33 pound head and turn it around like the Exorcist and he is will take it off and shove it up his candy ass! Cue the Undertaker. Undertaker tells him that singing time is over. Rock is writing checks his ass cannot cash. UT has crippled more people than Polio. His response to the nursery rhyme is that it is time to go to the learning tree and he accepts. Vince comes out and tells UT to back off. Vince does not think Rock is worthy and tonight in order to get the title shot he has to win, in a non-title match. Rock will whip his ass at the PPV and tonight if you can smell what he is cooking!
Match 2: Debra (c) v. Ivory for WWF Women’s Title
Nicole Bass has come down as the two girls try to wrestle. Well one or two minutes in. Nicole interferes as Debra chokes out Ivory and allows Ivory to get the win.
Austin did go to the meeting. He starts off with gentlemen and he uses the term loosely. There are cases of Busch Light. He gives them a manual that they need to memorize. He fires some Redneck dude who is head of marketing research. He promotes the mail clerk to the position and no one has an issue with the promotion. The next is the Director of MIS. Computer department and he is nerd. Austin stops him from speaking and he wants a drinking contest. If they pass out or puking or stumbling around they are fired. He makes them crack the beers and get going. He leaves.
Brisco assures a worried Patterson that he has a plan.
Match 3: Test v. Big Bossman
The blindfold is applied and Bossman hammers him. He toys with him as Test flails about. Test drops him finally by tackling him. Bossman escapes and knocks him out with the nightstick. DQ. Stephanie runs down to protect her man. He leaves.
DUD. Angle advancement I guess for Steph and Test.
Austin enters the Human Resources room. He introduces himself. He makes an assistant go get beer and pushes her on her way. He is giving the HR guy the new manual. Austin may come back and quiz him. He gives him a brief quiz about his catchphrases. He does not want to say ass but finally does and swaggers out the door!
Match 4: X Pac v. Big Show
Show has the mic and wants no part of it. Pac understands but he is a man and he fights for a livin’ and if he gets his ass kicked that is fine. He kicks Show who just tosses him over the top rope! Now that cues Kane. Kane pulls Pac down from the apron and gets in the ring. So much for being a man! Kane is in the ring and Pac is now arguing with him. Kane wallops him and Pac is thrown down like a rag doll! Ref leaves and Pac blindsides Kane with a spinkick and Show who went over to Kane gets kicked to the floor. Show starts to head back into the ring but decides not to and leaves Pac and Kane staring at each other.
Shamrock is put in the jacket and he is going to kill Slaughter after he is done with JJ and anyone else who gets in his way.
Match 5: Jeff Jarrett v. Ken Shamrock
JJ is avoiding kicks from Shamrock. He was cornered but Ken lets him out. JJ tackles him but he is put in a leghold. JJ gets to the ropes and is put back in a headscissors. JJ scrambles to the ropes. JJ charges and is tripped and his leg is tied up. Now JJ is able to stomp on him. He pulls Ken over the side of the apron and drills him with elbows to the throat. Shamrock drops him and chokes him out with the headscissors. He wins. Vince runs down and is run off.
** This was fun. Too bad the IC champ was chumped.
GDTV and Ass is getting his ass shaved in by a woman. He is not happy about the job.
Match 6: Pat Patterson v. Gerald Brisco v. Mideon and Viscera
The Posse blindside them from behind. Mideon and Viscera squash the old men with big splashes. Viscera does it again. Viscera does it one more time for fun!
Rock is pacing in the back.
Austin is being led by the HR guy and they toast beers. Austin wants books. He wants the numbers. He is with the accountant. Austin is looking at losses…..he questions those. They are from the Zamboni and beer truck destruction. Austin brushes past those and he wants Vince’s and Shane’s salary changed. Shane’s salary will be the beer budget.
Match 7: Kane v. Acolytes (c) for WWF Tag Titles
They start brawling on the ramp. Inside the ring, Kane goozles Farooq but Bradshaw runs in and they assault Kane. Kane is whipped into the ropes and sandwiched by both. Kane reverses the whip and sideslams Bradshaw. He drops the elbow and tosses an incoming Farooq to the floor. Kane goes up top and nails him with a flying lariat. Bradshaw is clotheslined to the floor. Kane goes out after him but he is doubleteamed and pounded. He is run into the announce table and into the steps. They keep after him. Back in the ring they double suplex Kane and Bradshaw gets two. Kane fights back but is knocked down. Kane reverses the whip and Bradshaw tries to charge out of the corner but he misses. He is goozled and chokeslamed. Farooq runs out but is clothelined. Now Farooq is goozled. He lowblows Kane and Kane is plastered with the chair and both do a neckbreaker and get the win.
** Acolytes are made to be strong.
X Pac runs down and brandishes a chair, swinging it around. They try to find an opening. Kane is up so they flee.
Shamrock breaks free from the jacket.
They show all the plaques that Vince has received. Austin has determined their need to be a bit more BS as he is swimming in it here. The men with the wheelbarrows bring in and dump manure. They do not really show it. Vince and Shane are watching from a monitor and are pissed. Austin pours a beer on it. Vince and Shane head to the ring. Vince is upset and states that Austin has disgraced the WWF and its headquarters with his mere presence. He will not forget or forgive. He lays out a challenge. He puts his stock and Shane’s stock in the company and put it up. It will be a ladder match. One more stipulation tonight and Shane reminds that Rock has to win. Shamrock charges down and catches Shane and suplexes him! Shamrock chases after a sprinting Vince!
During the break Vince takes off in his limo.
Match 8: Rock v. Undertaker
HHH comes down right after the Undertaker does. He has the mic and he reminds us that Shane did not get to the stipulation as he was attacked. It was a triple threat match and Rock goes off on UT and then HHH when he gets in the ring. He is swarmed though and stomped. Rock is knocked to the floor where his pummeled. Back in the ring Rock tries to fight back but UT puts a stop to the that. UT takes him down and gets a two count. HHH and UT both slowly pick him apart. Rock is whipped into the corner and clotheslined. HHH comes over and knees him in the gut over and over. HHH whips him into the corner. Rock ducks and clotheslines Undertaker and then takes down HHH. But he runs into a high knee and the ass kicking resumes as they work him over in the corner. UT is choking him out. Rock fights freee and strikes with a swinging neckbreaker on HHH but he cannot follow up as UT and HHH knock him to the floor. He fights off HHH as they brawl up the ramp. UT is there and he is pasted by a flurry of blows. HHH stops that and whips him into the steel structure. UT pulls him up and runs him into the structure again. They slowly follow up and HHH goes for a piledriver but cannot and he is taken down and punched in the nuts. He goes after the Undertaker and punches him down the ramp but he is dropped and shoved into the barrier. HHH is back. HHH stomps a hole in him and then chokes him out. Rock is rolled back into the ring and the fans get behind him and one punch from UT sends him down. UT uppercuts him and works him over as Rock sags against the ropes. He measures him in the corner and elbows him. Now HHH hits him and whips him into the corner but Rock gets the boot up. He clotheslines HHH but turns into a hard right from UT. Rope walk time. HHH comes over and is hit and he backs into the ropes and that crotches UT and he falls to the floor. HHH fends him off and goes for the Pedigree but he is dropped and catapulted into the ref who is down. UT comes in and he chokeslams Rock. He goes for the Tombstone but Rock slides behind and shoves UT into HHH who falls to the floor. Rock Bottom! He goes for the Elbow and knocks HHH back off the apron. He connects and UT sells it like he is dead. He is pinned and a new ref comes down and Chyna makes the save. The other ref makes the count but HHH makes the save. Chyna accidentally trips up the Undertaker and that angers him. He yells at her and is clotheslined to the floor and he grabs her. HHH grabs him but his throat is bounced off the top buckle and he staggers into the Rock Bottom and cannot make the save in time!!
*** Fun main event.
UT is not pleased and he and HHH pound each other. The CM tries to split them apart but the fight continues as we fade.
** Main event and the Austin segments saved this show. So, let me get this straight Vince is willing to put up his share of a billion dollar company for a ladder match? Seriously? Why would Austin not be at RAW? Why would he allow Vince to run the show? It makes no sense. Hell most of it does not make sense? Why wouldn’t Shane give his dad his shares; Vince still controls most of the board. Jesus it makes my head hurt. I mean could they attempt to have it make a little sense. Well, I guess it does but if you think about it longer than a minute then….not so much. It is wrestling but come on. Other than the main event there was no wrestling and no KotR matches. There was angle advancement and it is nice to see the Rock in the main event at the PPV. Still, the focus is way too much on the McMahons.