Written by: Kevin Kildenberger
It is hard to watch WWF a bit right now but I will recover….Seeing as Bischoff gave away who the mastermind is behind the CM, something I find really lame and unnecessary…not giving it away but it being Vince. Vince is great as a heel but damn there are far too many swerves, it makes my head hurt thinking about it. What happened to JR and Dr. Death? It was just gone…..Sable will quit or already has, hence the comments made by HBK three weeks ago I believe. She was getting a big head backstage and was stripped of her title in the ring. I am not sure if that really angered her or she was already resigned to the fact. She did not look too happy but it looked to be in character. Of course if anyone goes mainstream in the WWF and there is an inkling that they are garnering an independent streak then Vince pounces to put them back in their place. He made them and therefore practically owns them and that is partly why WCW wrestlers will be treated like trash in 2001. Certain wrestlers like HBK, HHH or Austin can get away with almost anything but if someone like Sable demands concessions then he will try and break her down. This is not to say Sable is completely innocent, but Vince has a history of narcissism and always being right, in his mind and while he has done plenty for the business he has also caused irreparable harm. Sable will sue for 110 million dollars and he will countersue for the name Sable….why? I will be honest, he is a douche and to be fair does not like being sued. She will claim harassment. Nicole Bass will too. Lawler’s wife will be fired and he will be let go later in the year because of issues, and the fact apparently Chyna did not like her as competition and then Chyna will be gone. Sunny=gone. One thing for sure there is a sexist pattern in the WWF that has continued in one form or another to today as many women have filed lawsuits for a myriad of reasons. Ultimately they will settle out of court and Sable will even return in 2003 for a brief stint, showing that Vince is willing to work with nearly anyone if it brings in revenue (minus: Lex Luger, Randy Savage and Jeff Jarrett). RAW will easily win with a 6.4 while Nitro in the head to head will fall below a 3 and get a near 3.2 total. RAW got a 6.65 off of a 6.4 and 6.9.
Vince comes down in his singlet and pants and gets in the ring. He is talking about who the greater power is. He is talking about who the Greater Power is as it has piqued everyone’s interest. It could be HBK, Jake Roberts or even a random bartender. He plans on going no holds barred with the person tonight. He knows it is a member of the family and that is why he is challenging Shane to a match tonight. He is sweetening the pot. I missed what that was but here comes Shane. On behalf of the entire Corporation he accepts. He assures Vince that he is not the Greater Power. Vince better eat his Wheaties as the Undertaker will reveal the Greater Power.
Austin is talking to someone in a limo.
Undertaker is rambling about the CM. Now he is finally presenting the Higher Power. The HP takes his sweet fucking time coming down to the ring. He has the mic and it is Shane but he told he was not the HP and then he shows up from behind the curtain. The fans chant asshole over and over. HP is cold and calculating and screws with people’s minds. He is methodical in his methods and a master in human psychology. He is going to reveal it to the world and he will bestow the honor on his dad. He calls him down and Vince comes up on the TitanTron and he is as close enough as he needs to be and needs to show his face right now. He slowly unveils and it is Vince screaming that it is him and he screams to Austin that he was him all along. Everyone fell for it and bought it. He keeps rambling about his power and fooling on him. Steph and Linda are at the top of the ramp. Steph asks how he could be so cruel. He sputters that he was not trying to be cruel and they still love them. Linda has the mic and wants to talk business. Vince tells her that he loves her. She loves him but love has nothing to do with business. She reminds Vince that the family owns four equal shares….Shane and Vince do not own 60 percent. There was a board meeting and now they have decided there will be a new dress code such as jean shorts, some profanity and even drinking on the job. An ice cold alcoholic beverage to quench your thirst. Linda stepped down as CEO of the company but not before handpicking her successor. The new person will have full powers to run the company and they will introduce the new CEO. It is Austin and the roof just blew off the arena. He has his shirt on with a tie wrapped around his neck. He takes off the tie as he does not need the power tie anymore because he will always have the power finger and he flips off Vince. He is going to make this transition ASAP and he guzzles a brew. He is getting used to this corporate crap right away. He is already making rules and he will have a title match and get his belt. He tells Vince to look at him with his 50 percent and he needs to listen along with his Boy Wonder next to him needs to as well. At KotR it will be Austin v. both McMahons and he will beat both their asses at the same time. Vince yells that he is on. He would like a few stipulations but it is on. Now to Shane who throws his weight around and seeing as he only has 25 percent compared to his own 50 percent. He also looks like crap with his suit. In one corner it will be him and in the other it will be X Pac and Kane. Austin wishes him good luck and then adds little bastard. Shamrock, Test and Show can have a match against anyone they want. Foley is not here and Austin wishes for him to get well. HHH and his sidekick like to cripple people and while Austin appreciate that, so HHH will have a cast match and that means HHH will have a leg cast on and he will face the Rock.
THIRTY FUCKING MINUTES! WOW.
Austin is sitting with Steph and Linda and shaking hands. They are giving him a special corporate gift and it is filled with beer! He cracks on and gives it to Steph and another to Lind and he has one too and they toast. Steph sniffed it before drinking! Not champagne.
Match 1: Brood v. Acolytes
Bradshaw pins Gangrel with the Clothesline from Hell. Not a bad match.
**
Big Show, Test and Shamrock are in the ring and Cole asks who they will face tonight. Show kisses ass and calls Austin the toughest SOB he has ever worked with. Show wants Undertaker tonight. Vince and Shane look scared in the back. It will be Showtime! Jesus. The WWF title will be on the line and he will chokeslam him to Hell. Shamrock gives a shout out to Foley with his busted up leg. Shamrock wants JJ but that can wait, I think he said that. He wants Vince tonight. There was a time Vince cried and begged for help and Ken stood by him and found his daughter for him. He is not happy as he screams that Vince humiliated him and he points to a portable Octagon and wants him in the Lions Den where he will abuse him. Vince is shitting himself. Test is trying to speak and he calls out Stephanie McMahon and Shane and Vince are stunned. She gets some catcalls as she struts out in a baggy shirt. He gets on his knees and asks her out and she would love too! Mac Daddy! Shane is freaking out! Vince is in tears.
HHH is getting the cast put on and HHH is pushing him off……
Match 2: X Pac and Kane v. Shane McMahon
Over an hour in….
Shane punches him twice and but is punched into the mat and it is Bronco Buster time! Shane runs off and Kane corners him and goes for the chokeslam. The Posse run in wearing Mankind masks and save him. They run and giggle and Patterson and Brisco run out and pummel them. Posse are put in the ring and demolished.
Rock is strutting around in the back.
HHH is hobbling with his casted leg.
Jesus, now Cole is with Debra and she has 30 days to defend her title and she does not want to face Bass. Therefore she challenges her to a bikini contest. If Nicole wins then she can have title shot next week. If she loses she needs to leave her Puppies alone.
Match 3: HHH v. the Rock
Rock is utterly annihilating him. He belts him with a chair and it is Rock Bottom time. He sets the chair on his head and prepares for the elbow but UT runs in and chokeslams him! Now UT sets up the chair and Tombstones him on top of it. Show lumbers down and UT dives to safety.
Bikini Contest: Debra and Nicole Bass (Fuck me)
I love her perm. Jesus. I will admit that she has a nice body….I have issues. Many of the fans agree. Debra bounces up and down. Debra gets some wild cheers. Nicole gets booed. Debra wins and Lawler almost calls her Nicole. Bass is not happy and Val gets in JJ’s face and is shoved and JJ gets pounded in the face. Nicole has the guitar but Debra pulled JJ to safety and out goes Val.
GDTV. PMS are in dressing room. They are talking about sex of course because that is what women do. Val and Mr. Ass. Terri makes fun of Dustin.
Match 3: Godfather v. Mr. Ass
This is actually his gimmick. Mr. Ass. Yet the WWF gets ten million viewers and 500000 buys per PPV. Jesus Christ.
Godfather attacks Ass out on the floor. He runs him into the ring and strikes with a heel kick. But then he runs into a powerslam. Ass misses in the corner and is backdropped. Ho Train time! He charges at him again and Ass lowers the ropes and out goes Godfather. Road Dogg runs in and blindsides Ass. Godfather finishes him with a legdrop.
*1/2
Match 4: Al Snow (c) v. Droz for WWF Hardcore Title
Al runs to the back and lures Droz in and then bashes him over the head with sheetrock. Droz comes back and breaks a stick over him. He tosses him into some pipes and enter a bar. Al is tossed over the bar and he hits him with a serving platter. A fan offers his beer. Nope. I would have drank it. They are throwing stuff at each other. The camera disappeared, now it is back as Droz is slid along the bar, slowly and he is just pulled off. Snow slams a planter on his back and then hits him with some sort of object and gets the win.
** The camera work and the attempted slide down the bar hurt the match but it had its moments.
Match 5: Vince McMahon v. Ken Shamrock
Vince locks himself inside. Shamrock is trying to push himself in. Vince has the chain. Shamrock pushes through but is knocked out by a chair shot from JJ. Vince wins.
DUD: Seriously?
Match 6: Big Show v. UT (c) for WWF Title
UT hammers him but runs into a boot and is sent head over heels with a lariat. Show drops the big elbow. Show gets two. Undertaker is whipped into the corner and Show manhandles him. He kicks and stomps with alacrity. Show chops him in the chest and punches him in the head. UT staggers him with a couple of blows but one headbutt drops Undertaker. Show sends him for the ride but UT ducks and goozles Show who returns the favor. UT escapes and drops him with a flying clothesline. He knocks Show to the floor and tries to ram his head into the steps but it is blocked and Show does it and then measures him for some heavy blows. He picks up UT over his shoulder but UT slides behind and shoves Show into the post. UT blasts him with a chair shot to the head. He stands on Big Show and then shoves the ref down and hammers him. UT is still assaulting him and after some more mauling he rolls him back into the ring. UT slowly heads up top as Show clambers to his feet. UT leaps right into the hand of Show and it is chokeslam time! He chokeslammed him through the ring! Show falls on top of him but recovers and stomps a hole in him. Bradshaw runs in and he is immediately chokeslammed. Farooq runs in and he is chokeslammed too. UT leaves…..Mideon is chokeslammed!
**1/2 They have potential for a nice long feud. Show was finally booked as strong. About fucking time!
* That final match saved this show from utter disaster. Very little wrestling. I mean very little. The beginning just wore me out. I understand Vince being the Master dude but it just seems too much, too many swerves. I am just so worn out. So why can’t Vince and Shane combine their 25 and that would make 50…..Jesus it hurts my head. I may need a break….