Total Non-Stop Action presents Impact
Date: 12/13/2007
From: Orlando, FL
Matches:
1.) Scott Steiner defeated BG James, Petey Williams & Christopher Daniels in a Feast, Fired or $50,000 elimination match
2.) Kaz defeated Rellik
3.) Velvet-Love Entertainment (Angelina Love & Velvet Sky) defeated Jackie Moore & Traci Brooks
4.) Booker T defeated Chris Harris
5.) TNA X-Division Champion Jay Lethal defeated Johnny Devine in a lumberjack match
6.) TNA World Champion Kurt Angle & Robert Roode defeated Christian Cage in a handicap match
Angle Developments/Notes:
1.) Christian Cage makes his way out to the ring to kickoff the show. Cage has heard all the talk and whispers behind his back. Cage knows people think he deserved what he got last week on Impact. That he deserved to get suckered punched by Kurt Angle and beaten down by Robert Roode. Cage agrees that he deserved it because he’s the champ and looking down on everyone else. Cage reveals that he’s a prick and he likes it that way. Cage will get beaten down for being the asshole that he is, but he’ll continue to get up and continue to be an asshole. That is what has made him a star in TNA. Cage says that’s how he became who he is and that’s how the fans are lower than him. Cage is still acting as if he’s a heel. Cage announces there will be a tag match where he will team with someone of his choice to take on TNA World Champion Kurt Angle and Robert Roode in the main event. Cage believes that TNA is not big enough for the both of them.
TNA World Champion Kurt Angle, Karen Angle and Robert Roode make their way out to the ramp. Kurt ask if Cage ever shuts up and continues to spew the same BS. Kurt agrees to the tag match, but doesn’t think Cage will find a partner because nobody likes him. Kurt agrees that TNA isn’t big enough for the both of them. Kurt says it is a new era, the era of the Angle Alliance. Cage is only a private and he will take orders from Kurt. Cage tells Kurt that he can’t keep his wife in check and he’s giving orders. Cage insults Karen saying she only takes orders when she’s given $50 and told to lay on the bed. Roode chimes in and says he’s tired of listening to Cage. Roode calls Cage a scumbag for having him do his dirty work. Roode suggests Cage go find a partner, if he can.
2.) Backstage, Jeremy Borash is with the TNA World Tag Team Champions AJ Styles & Tomko. Borash asks Styles if he thought this is how things would play out when he made a deal with Karen Angle. Took chimes in and says that AJ clearly has things going how he wants them and has a smirk on his face. Styles tells Tomko to shut it. Styles doesn’t find this to be funny and doesn’t know what happened. Styles thought they’d be a unit and a strong family. Styles wonders where it all went wrong. Tomko tells Styles that it went wrong when Styles was playing both sides. Tomko blames Styles for playing the role of Cage. Tomko says that it is time to choose sides and Styles doesn’t want to do that.
3.) Backstage, Crystal is with Petey Williams and explains the rules of the match he’s in. Whoever wins the match can take $50,000, switch cases, or keep their own. Petey says he’ll need more than $50,000 for a pay out. Petey is 110% sure that his case has the TNA World Championship shot.
4.) Daniels and Steiner are going at it while BG and Williams trade blows. Williams dropkicks BG to the floor, but Kip rolls BG back into the ring quickly. Steiner hip tosses Daniels to the floor. Petey dropkicks BG over the middle rope and BG balls to the floor. Petey flexes for Steiner, who returns the flex. BG is met with a double clothesline and Steiner clotheslines Daniels followed by an elbow drop. Williams elbow drops BG and mimics Steiner doing pushups. BG knocks Steiner through the ropes to the floor. Daniels sends Steiner into the ring post. Williams hits a jawbreaker and spinning heel kick to BG. Daniels clotheslines Petey as BG was going to send Williams into the ropes. Daniels heel kicks Williams coming off the ropes. BG decks Williams with a forearm strike and knocks Steiner off the apron. Daniels knee lifts Williams into the corner and BG clotheslines Williams in the corner. Williams hits a slingshot Codebreaker to Daniels. Steiner tosses Daniels and BG with overhead suplexs. Steiner locks in the Steiner Recliner on Daniels, but BG makes the save. BG kicks Williams, but Daniels nails BG with a kick and the Angels Wings. Williams plants Daniels with the Canadian Destroyer, but Steiner breaks the cover. Steiner hits a belly to belly suplex on Williams to win the match. (*1/4. I found myself not caring for the action, at all. The finish felt soft since Williams hit an impactful move only to lose to a secondary finish of Steiner. I’m not surprised that Steiner won since he’s exactly what TNA likes to promote and that’s older stars.)
5.) Jeremy Borash is in the ring with Scott Steiner for his decision regarding the briefcases. Borash has a check for $50,000 if Steiner wants it. The fans want Steiner to take the money. Steiner wants his TNA World Championship shot. Steiner takes Petey Williams briefcase. Petey can’t believe it.
6.) Jeremy Borash has remained in the ring with the four men and the briefcases are on the entrance ramp where they will be revealed. Petey Williams steps forward and his briefcase is revealed as being the TNA World Championship shot. Scott Steiner is livid! That was his briefcase originally.
7.) Backstage, Crystal is with Kaz for an interview. Kaz learned a lot from Chuck Norris and says he’s staying humble no matter his success. Kaz is going to leave everything he has in the ring against Rellik. Christian Cage enters the scene and says that Kaz is his partner tonight. Cage reminds Kaz that he got his biggest win of his career even if it was a fluke. Cage says Kaz owes him one. Kaz wants to do something spiritual with Cage. Kaz has Cage close his eyes and then leaves. Crystal tells Cage that Kaz left and Cage isn’t happy about it.
8.) Rellik attacks before the bell delivering a knee lift in the corner and stomps Kaz in the corner. Kaz fires back with right hands and a spin kick for a one count. Kaz dumps Rellik over the top to the floor. Kaz takes Rellik out with a slingshot crossbody to the floor as the show goes to commercial.
Rellik scoop slams Kaz and goes to the top rope missing a leg drop. Kaz hits a running dropkick to a seated Rellik. Kaz gets a rollup out of the corner for a two count. Kaz leg sweeps Rellik and hits a springboard leg drop for a two count. Rellik big boots Kaz leading to a near fall. Rellik tries for a reverse DDT, but Kaz plants Rellik with the Wave of the Future for the win. After the match, Black Reign attacks Kaz and uses his spiked hammer. Reign puts Misty the rat in a black bag and puts the bag over Kay’s head. Rellik is holding Kaz’s arms back. Kaz is helped by security to end the segment. (*. This felt more like a extended squash for Kaz. Clearly Kaz and Reign are entering a feud. I’m not exactly thrilled about it.)
9.) Backstage, Jeremy Borash is with Angelina Love and Velvet Sky for an interview. Angelina asks if Borash knows how experienced they are. Love says they have been all over the world and they have spent many nights in every hotel ever imagined. Sky asks what Borash was referring to about experience. Sky says they are talking about wrestling. Sky knows they are the two new hot girls, but never under estimate what they can do in the wrestling ring.
10.) Backstage, Crystal is with Ms. Brooks, Ms. Jackie, Robert Roode and James Storm. Jackie appears to be drunk. Storm likes to see this version of Jackie. Brooks notes that Jackie is wasted and asks if she can sober up for their match. Jackie dumps some beer onto Brooks. Roode says that Brooks is disrespectful to a veteran. Roode asks for Brooks to do something right for once in her life tonight.
11.) Moore sends Love to the floor at the start of the Knockouts match. Brooks focuses on Sky and Moore hits a flapjack on Sky. Brooks nails Sky with a running boot. Moore has been doing all of this with a beer bottle in hand. Brooks takes the bottle away as Moore knee lifts Sky several times and tosses Sky across the ring. Moore tosses Sky by her hair across the ring. Moore delivers several forearm strikes to Sky and connects with a backbreaker. Moore sends Sky into Brooks boot in the corner. Brooks drop toe holds Sky into the ropes and delivers a running knee strike followed by a clothesline for a two count. Sky stops Brooks with a jawbreaker and Love gets tagged in. Love hits a top rope crossbody on Brooks and yanks Brooks down by her hair several times. Love nails Brooks with a knee lift and chops Moore several times. Love drives Moore down with a jawbreaker. Love gets a two count on Brooks after a running boot. Brooks gets distracted by Moore and Love sends Brooks into Moore leading to a rollup and a three count for the win. (*. Honestly, I was dreading this match because I’m just not interested in these four women.) After the match, Robert Roode comes out and tells Moore to never put her hands on Brooks ever again. Moore leaves and Brooks thinks Roode is going to be different. Roode tells Brooks she’s an embarrassment. Roode says that Brooks has never done anything correct and calls her a pathetic loser. Roode’s number one fan is watching in the crowd, as per usual. Sharmell comes down to the ring to confront Roode. Sharmell says that’s no way to treat a lady. Roode doesn’t see any ladies in the ring and calls Sharmell a street worker. Roode is the boss in his relationship and suggests Sharmell leave the ring before she regrets it. Booker T runs to the ring, but Roode bails to the floor.
12.) Backstage, Crystal is with Christian Cage as Cage is going to talk to Kevin Nash about being his partner tonight. Cage doesn’t trust Nash, but goes into the room anyway. Nash is on a couch sleeping. Cage enters singing some NWO music and wants to do the Wolfpack hand gesture. Cage tells Nash he’s looking for a partner tonight. Nash says he’s busy tonight sitting around doing nothing and getting paid. Nash tells Cage he can get partner “down there”, which leads to a suck it taunt. Cage isn’t amused and says Nash is an 11-year old with grey hair.
13.) Father James Mitchell makes his way down to the ring to cut a promo. Mitchell calls out Abyss to reveal the truth. Abyss comes down to the ring to join the segment. Mitchell has a chair in the ring and tells Abyss to sit down. Mitchell thinks he has a right to be obsessed with the truth. Mitchell claims to have made an emotional investment in Abyss more so than anyone else. Mitchell pulled Abyss out of prison and gave Abyss a clean slate to be a new man. Mitchell said they could be like father and son. Mitchell takes credit for making Abyss a World Champion. Mitchell believes the truth must come out. Mitchell reminds everyone that Abyss watched his mother shoot his father three times. Mitchell asks if Abyss is ready to tell the truth. Mitchell demands the truth, but Abyss shakes his head no. Mitchell suggests he’ll attack Abyss, but Abyss decks Mitchell with a right hand and screams at Mitchell. Abyss goes for a choke slam, but the lights go out. When they come back on, Judas Mesias is in the ring and chokes Abyss with barbed wire. Abyss has been busted wide open and Judas whacks Abyss over the head with a steel chair. Judas ties Abyss hands behind his back and grabs a steel chair and whacks Abyss over the head. Judas smashes Abyss over the head several times. Judas plants Abyss with Straight To Hell onto the chair to leave Abyss bloodied and laid out.
14.) Backstage, Jeremy Borash is with Booker T and Sharmell for an interview. Booker says they go back to WCW and says Roode is screwing around with the wrong person. Christian Cage is behind them and interrupts looking for a partner. Cage wants to clear the air and says they have never seen eye to eye. Cage realizes it is a different time and place. Cage asks Booker to be his partner for tonight. Booker declines to be Cage’s partner and says he would never be Cage’s partner.
15.) Chris Harris cuts a promo saying he’s been forgotten again and mentions that Christian Cage didn’t even think of him to be his partner. Harris asks if he needs to change his last name to Angle to get some respect in TNA.
16.) Harris backs Booker into a corner and delivers a few strikes for the early advantage. Harris plants Booker with a spinebuster for a one count. Harris continues with left hands, but Booker nails Harris with a heel kick. Booker continues with strikes in the corner. Booker side slams Harris leading to a near fall. Booker keeps arm control on the mat. Harris elbows Booker out of the corner and hits a running clothesline for a two count. Booker catches Harris on a clothesline to hit the Book-End. Booker hits the scissors kick and pins Harris. (*. Harris back in May was firing on all cylinders and seemed poised for elevation up the card. Now, he’s a whining character who loses matches fairly handily. It sure doesn’t seem as if Harris has a bright future in TNA.)
17.) Jeremy Borash is in the ring with the remaining men with briefcases. The briefcases are on the aisle. Scott Steiner, BG James and Christopher Daniels are left with one man getting fired, another getting a Tag Title shot and an X-Division Championship shot. BG James steps forward to find out his fate. BG earns a TNA World Tag Team Championship opportunity. Kip James is pissed because BG doesn’t assure him of being his partner. Thus, either Scott Steiner or Christopher Daniels will be fired.
18.) Backstage, Crystal is with Dustin Rhodes. Rhodes says he’s not in control of Black Reign and knows that Reign has been scaring everyone, but has been terrifying him for years. Reign hates the hideous rat. Kaz runs into the scene and attacks Dustin Rhodes, who is wondering what is going on until security gets involved.
19.) Devine is strapped at the start as Lethal sends Devine to the floor. Devine runs around the ring, but rolls back into the ring. Lethal jabs Devine several times and delivers an elbow strike. Devine forearms Lethal to the mat followed by an elbow strike. Devine sends Lethal to the floor, but nobody uses the straps on Lethal. The show goes to commercial.
Devine tries for a Pedigree, but Lethal backdrops Devine to the floor where Devine is strapped again. Lethal hits the Lethal Combination and goes to the top rope hitting an elbow drop for the win. (*. The odds were heavily against Devine, so I guess I can ignore the complete job that he did here. Besides, it feels as if Team 3D are the strong acts for the group to begin with and Devine is more of a lackey.) After the match, Devine is whipped by Shark Boy as the Motor City Machine Guns hold Devine. Devine gets whipped by several X-Division wrestlers. Devine escapes as Team 3D come down to the ringside area with straps. 3D don’t end up going into the ring and head back to the backstage area.
20.) Jeremy Borash is in the ring with Scott Steiner and Christopher Daniels to find out which man has been fired and which man will get an X-Division Championship opportunity. Daniels says he has put everything into the company and has faith that he’ll have a job. Steiner says that Petey Williams lied to him and there’s no lying in wrestling. Steiner promises to get the case back from Petey Williams. After a commercial break, we finally find out the results of the briefcases. Scott Steiner gets the X-Division opportunity while Christopher Daniels has been fired. Borash wishes Daniels the best in his future endeavors. Daniels breaks down in tears over losing his job.
21.) Backstage, Crystal is with Christian Cage and Samoa Joe. They are yelling at each other with Cage trying to convince Joe to be his partner. Joe knows that people come to him hoping he hates their enemy more than he hates the guy asking him to be their partner. Joe is also pissed about people messing with his contract money. Joe wants nothing to do with Cage. Joe tells Cage, the company, and Kurt Angle can suck his ass. Joe walks off and Cage accepts that he must wrestle in a handicap match because he’s the only person that matters to him.
22.) Roode slides into the ring to go after Cage before the bell, but Cage stomps on Roode several times. Cage bails as Angle gets in the ring, but Angle chases Cage around the ring. Cage clotheslines Roode, but Angle drops Cage with an uppercut. Roode keeps control by stomping Cage on the mat followed by an overhand strike. Roode rams Cage into the corner and continues with stomps in the corner. Cage sends Roode into the corner followed by a backdrop and rams the back of Roode’s head onto the mat. Cage chops Roode in the corner a few times, but Roode counters with chops, as well. Cage slides through Roode’s legs and hits a spinning heel kick for a two count. Angle tags into the match and stomps Cage in the corner. Cage counters a slam and runs the ropes to hit a shoulder block before putting a headlock on Angle. Roode gets involved, but Cage avoids a double team and ducks a clothesline to hit a reverse DDT on Angle. Cage and Roode collide on a double clothesline as the show goes to commercial.
Roode hits a middle rope blockbuster for a two count on Cage. Angle tags back into the match and stomps Cage before putting a choke on Cage. During the break, Angle hit an overhead suplex off the top rope. Cage fights out of the choke, but runs into an elbow from Angle for a two count. Angle slams Cage and goes to the top rope missing a moonsault. Cage and Angle trade strikes from their knees before standing up and Cage drops Angle. Cage continues with chops in the corner. Cage elbows Angle in the corner and hits a reverse DDT. Cage heads to the top rope and misses a frog splash. Angle nearly wins the match with a rollup. Angle hits a German suplex and holds on to hit a series of German suplexs. Cage avoids the Angle Slam, but Angle counters the Un-Prettier, but is sent into the corner chest first. Cage yanks Angle down from behind and gets a two count. Cage knocks Roode off the apron and chokes Angle over the middle rope.
Roode tries to attack, but splashes Angle over the middle rope. Cage sends Roode to the floor and gets a two count on Angle with a rollup. Cage goes to the top rope, but Angle is shoved away. Cage hits a top rope frog splash for a two count. Angle locks in the ankle lock, but Cage reaches the ropes. Roode tags into the match and stomps Cage. Cage gets an inside cradle on Roode, but only gets a two count. Roode tries for a back suplex, but Cage lands on his feet, but may have hurt himself. Angle prevents the Un-Prettier by hitting Cage with a low blow as the referee is distracted by Karen. They hit a spike piledriver on Cage and Roode pins Cage for the win. (**. I’ve always hated handicap matches largely because I don’t find them enjoyable or worth my attention. The show long story of Cage finding a partner wasn’t anything riveting and is something that has been done dozens of times previously. I am looking forward to an eventual showdown between Angle and Cage, though.)
23.) After the match, Kurt taunts Cage and holds Cage to allow Roode to hit a running lariat from behind. Kurt hits an Olympic Slam to leave Cage laying, but proceeds to lock in the ankle lock. Roode is in Cage’s face, but Cage has passed out. AJ Styles makes his way down to the ring, but remains on the apron. Kurt grabs a microphone and says they are going to have a Christmas party on Impact next week, and doesn’t think Cage will make it.
24.) Next week, there will be Christmas themed matches. A Christmas Chaos match, Double North Pole, Santa’s Workshop, Silent Night, Bloody Night, and a Loser Wears a Reindeer Suit ladder match.
Final Thoughts:
This felt like an underwhelming episode of Impact. The show long story of Cage not being able to find a partner wasn’t all that memorable or interesting. Action wise, the show lacked anything compelling for me. Feast or Fired isn’t a story I’ve ever enjoyed either. Daniels being fired sucks, but the idea of Petey Williams getting a TNA World Championship match on a likely future episode of Impact could be fun to watch.
Thanks for reading.