Written by: Kevin Kildenberger
I was correct, RAW has been preempted due to Tennis (Jesus, USA). Ratings were at a 4.4 while Nitro received a 4.1. This is the era where I returned to wrestling, I remember snippets from the shows going back to last week, watching it with friends, getting the PPV’s, drinking a shit-load of beer! Good times. Half were WWF fans and half were Nitro fans though we watched both. My buddy was a big Nitro guy and he lived with me at the time so I got more invested in Nitro. Anyway, I have said this a lot, but RAW has gotten much better. I saw a segment for a Davey Boy interview and mentioned it a few weeks back but there was nothing. I do not know how I missed it….maybe it was cut or something. Oh well. I am still confused about Chyna, I guess she and HHH kissed and made up. Is Mr. Ass a heel or becoming a face? After winning the KotR his push has declined. He was over with DX and they tried to make him a dick heel but it kind of fizzled. Without a stable is rather weak. He grew on me a bit, but how does a guy named Mr. Ass be taken seriously? It is the gimmick that is holding him back too….
Match 1: Rock and Mankind (c) v. Kane and X Pac for WWF Tag Titles
Rock makes fun of Kane who spits fire out of his ass. He is “happy” for Kane that he can talk. Calls him a retard and makes fun of his voice box! The fans love it though. He uses a robotic voice and calls Kane a Roody-Poo Candy Ass and he will lube it up, turn it sideways and shove it up his candy ass! Mankind shouts out to Brian Hildebrand, the ill WCW ref. Tony did too on Nitro. He calls out his dozens of Ivy League fans and he has finally come back to Harvard.
Kane comes out solo. He is ready for the match to start. Here comes HHH! Rock hammers Kane but is knocked around and dropped with an elbow. HHH is in Kane’s corner and Chyna has a sledgehammer. Kane misses the elbow drop and Rock gets two after a Russian sweep. Mankind is in and he unloads on Kane who returns the favor and sandwiches him in the corner. He follows up with a short-armed clothesline. HHH begs for a tag; Kane ignores him and turns right into a DDT. Rock is in and Kane tries to fend him off but he is dropped. He goes over to HHH and decks him. Rock turns and is nailed. HHH tags himself in and Kane clotheslines him to the floor. HHH runs in and uses the sledgehammer on Kane. I guess the Rock saw, I would think it odd if he just sagged and went limp. Rock Bottom and Elbow finish off Kane.
**1/2 I am rating the opening promo along with this because I can. Enjoyable opener.
HHH comes in and annihilates Kane with the sledgehammer. Here comes Show and Undertaker. HHH realizes that discretion is the better part of valor and leaves. UT and Show stare at a writhing Kane with some parting glances at HHH. Kane is up though and staggers to the back.
Cole is Jackie. Jackie slurs she has smacked three dumb blondes before.
Here comes JJ and Kitty and no Debra.
Match 2: Jeff Jarrett (c) v. Jackie
JJ has the mic and has some unkind words for Chyna. He is called an asshole. She is going to find out what happens when a woman steps in a man’s world. I guess that was the Jackie promo. I must have missed the beginning. No loss. Non-title match.
Jackie leaps on his back but is snapped over and stomped. JJ uses the ropes to choke her out. He breaks and does it again. The fans chant that they want Debra as Jackie is utterly obliterated. He misses in the corner and she gets two blows in but JJ takes off her head with a lariat. He softens up the knee and the Figure Four ends it.
*1/2 Angle advancement.
She has enough fight left to slap him but gets her head broken with a guitar shot!
Val is chuckling creepily as Terry Taylor asks him about Steve Blackman. Val is looking for him….
Match 3: Edge and Christian v. Acolytes
Due to the Dudleys interfering the number one contender match is tonight. Edge and Christian greet them with baseball slides. Edge gets in the ring and is beaten down by both Acolytes. Farooq is solo and Edge ducks a blow and strikes with a spinning heel kick. Here comes Christian. He is whipped into the corner but dodges the charge. He nails Farooq with a swinging neckbreaker and another blow but runs into a backbreaker. Farooq misses the follow up. Edge and Bradshaw, Edge assaults him but runs into a powerslam and is hammered in the corner. Edge is whipped into the corner but gets his foot up, and then again. He follows up with a back suplex. Edge staggers over to Christian, makes the tag and he kicks Bradshaw in the head and then dropkicks Farooq to the floor. They double team Bradshaw. Christian gets two. Farooq and Edge brawl on the floor and Christian turns right into a powerbomb. Ref is distracted though, watching the action on the floor. Bradshaw sees Edge coming and just holds Christian for a powerbomb, not picking him up yet….but he just waited for the missile kick. Christian rolls him up for the win.
**1/2 Ending sucked but the rest was pretty good.
Cole is with Edge and Christian. Edge starts to talk about the tag champs. Cole screeches that the Acolytes are coming. The Dudleys ambush them with trash cans.
GTV: Val and Show are urinating and Val makes fun of the size of his penis. Show beats his ass and then washes his hands.
Meat is with Kevin Kelly and about how he was caught with Chazz’s girlfriend. He is Sean Stasiak now and talks about how great his dad Stan was. Posse come up and beat him up and then tell Sean that his dad sucks.
Val comes out and calls out Show. Show is in the back and UT wonders if he is going to pick up that punk card that Val just laid down. Show does not want to waste time but heads out.
Match 4: Val Venis v. Big Show
Val beats on him from the get go. He is shoved back twice but Val is relentless. A big lariat stops that and Show beats his ass. Val counters by working the knees and stupidly jumps right into the waiting arms of Show and is chokeslammed. Over.
** I do not like what they are doing with Show but at least he is winning.
Blackman runs into the ring and beats Val some more.
Terry Taylor wonders if the Dudleys have a death wish. Bubba is stuttering about being 8 time tag champs, and the Acolytles. Devon wallops Bubba to stop his stuttering and he takes over. He will unleash some vengeance and goes over his three commandments. Before he gets to number three they are tackled and destroyed by the Acolytes.
Finkel comes out when Lillian Garcia is announcing for the next match. He tells Lillian to beat it and starts to announce it and realizes it is for Shamrock and gets a bit scared. Fink tries to flee but is caught by Shamrock! He is begging for mercy as Shamrock screams at him. Y2J time! Shamrock is looking up at the ramp and instead Jericho is on the TitanTron. Jericho is furious and Shamrock will have to pay the price. This is not fake like UFC, it is real, it is sports entertainment (fuck sports entertainment). Jericho is going to take him out on SD. Shamrock will wish that he never, ever incited the fury of Y2J and Shamrock sprints towards the back.
HHH and Chyna have come down. HHH brags about crippling Kane, and Austin. Destroying Mankind and putting him out of action for three months and then taking his title. He defended the title a week later and took to school that punk, the Rock. The fans chant for the Rock. HHH is the Game and this is not a game, and therefore Linda needs to keep her ass out his business. Here comes Mr. Ass and he randomly wiggles his ass. He talks about asses and how HHH is an ass. Lame. HHH is called an asshole by the fans. HHH challenges him and Ass tells him to suck it.
Patterson and Brisco are babbling in the back.
Match 5: Mean Street Posse v. Patterson and Brisco
The fight starts and the Posse dominate. Here comes Test and I guess he is the third partner. Test cleans house. Test is attacked by one of the Posse and it does not last. Test powerbombs him and he retreats to the floor. Meat runs down and beats on the Posse dude and it is Rodney, finally got a name. Rodney is rolled into the ring, Meltdown and elbow from the top rope finishes it off.
*1/2
Patterson and Brisco work over the other two Posse members on the floor. Terri Runnels is now with the Posse. She was on commentary.
Holly’s are walking together.
HHH and Ass are preparing for their match.
Match 6: Hollys v. Hardyz
Crash has a scale and Hardcore tells the Hardyz that they have to meet heavyweight requirements and demand that they get weighed. Hardocre does not think they qualify but is willing to give them a chance. He calls Jeff Hardy anorexic! Matt who is no longer anorexic gets on the scale. Hardcore calls Jeff, Karen Carpenter. Hardcore asks if they have some change or gold to put on to make themselves weigh more. Gangrel is called a fat bastard and told to get on the scale. He does not qualify. Jeff is perched up top and missile kicks Hardcore and Matt takes out Crash and Jeff is launched into him. Matt slams Crash and hits a guillotine legdrop from the middle rope. Hardyz are just laying the smackdown on the Hollys’ and Matt sideslams Crash and Jeff springs into a splash getting two. Crash ducks off the whip and gets two after a sunset flip. Crash charges into the corner, misses and Jeff with help from Matt pound him. Matt runs him around the ring beating him. Jeff gets the tag and Crash floats over and headscissors Jeff into the corner. Hardcore is tagged in and he powerslams Jeff but Matt runs in and Hardcore is double clotheslined and nearly pinned after a double back elbow. Hardcore is bodyslammed and Jeff hits the Swanton but he goes after Crash who is pummeled on the floor. Hardcore wins.
**1/2 Not bad. Why Hardyz are stuck with Gangrel is beyond me.
Brood music blares and it goes dark. Crash gets a bloodbath. Hardcore finds it funny and they start brawling.
Undertaker tells Cole to hit the bricks. Undertaker is exercising their rights to a rematch. It will be on SD and it will be Buried Alive. Show thinks it is burrowed alive and UT corrects him. He tells Mankind and Rock to get their asses out of each other and get ready.
Some dude is walking in the back……They show his back.
Here he comes and it is Al Snow dressed as Avatar. He gets in the ring and puts on his mask. He wants to know what the hell he is doing, and where he is at. He freaks out as he realizes what he is wearing and how bad he drew as a wrestler when he was Avatar. He cries and whines and finally leaves.
Rock makes fun of UT and his dead man gimmick. He is going to take a shovel and hit the Big Slow and stick it up his ass. Cole starts to talk to Mankind but the Rock is not done and gets the crowd to chant his name. Mankind is hurt that UT made fun of him. The match is not about titles but about pride. Talks about shoveling dirt down his throat etc.
Match 7: D’Lo Brown v. Steve Blackman
Mark Henry soon follows. He heads to the announce table. Blackman unloads on Brown. Brown gets in two moves before being run over again. D’Lo powerbombs Steve and jaws at Henry. Blackman goes for his Kendo stick but is beaten down by Val. The Low Down finishes off Blackman.
*1/2
Terry Taylor is with Ivory who is freaking out about Tori. Tori in a panties attacks her. Ivory was talking about a Hardcore match.
Match 8: Ivory v. Tori for WWF Women’s Title
Ivory gets her face dumped into the toilet. Oh it was Tori. The beat on each other. In the shower Ivory dumps shampoo all over her and throws her into another room and chokes her out. Ivory tries to throw some shit at her and misses and Tori runs her into the trash can and wall. They fight to where Droz and friends are. Jesus, panty shots galore. They fight all over the place and Tori gets two. Ivory throws stuff at her and shatters a mirror over her head getting the win.
**1/2 That looked painful.
Ivory chokes her out with a cord from an iron and then burns her with it before being pulled off.
Chyna is told by Earl Hebner to not come to ringside. She ignores him.
Kane is wallowing in a corner.
Match 9: HHH (c) v. Mr. Ass for WWF Title
Earl tells Chyna to beat it and she finally does. Her and Ass jaw at each other and HHH runs up and tries to sucker punch Ass but it does not work. Gunn wails on him. HHH returns the favor and knocks him around the ring. Back out on the floor and Ass is driven into the post and then the announce table. Back in the ring and HHH slams him and works over the arm drilling it with his knee. Ass is up and fires back but HHH counters with a fairly weak looking armbar takedown and gets two. He keeps working the arm. Gunn gets in a few sustained punches and drops him twice with running elbows. He powerslams HHH and gets two. Shane heads down and yells at Ass. Of course Mr. Ass is distracted despite him being 50 feet away. Mr. Ass clotheslined HHH to the floor and Ass is still distracted. HHH grabs the title belt and misses. Ass knocks him out but Earl is too late to make the count and HHH kicks out. They argue and HHH runs into both and the ref is out. Ass spikes HHH and gets the three but there is no ref. Ass runs into a boot and is kicked. HHH goes for the Pedigree but is uppercutted in the nuts and both are down. Mr. Ass finally rolls on top and HHH barely gets the shoulder up. HHH is placed on top and Ass goes up after him and he is shoved off. HHH leaps right into a boot. Mr. Ass leaps at him in the corner and misses. Pedigree time and match.
*** Not a bad main event. Some near falls and while it was obvious Mr. Ass would never, and should never win the title there was some drama.
Chyna and Shane come down to celebrate. Here comes Kane. HHH charges with the belt and gets his head booted off. Shane is thrown into the corner and Chyna is chokeslammed. HHH tries to punch him but he too is chokeslammed. Shane crawls right into Kane and slowly gets up and he too is goozled and chokeslammed!
**** Holy shit folks, what we have here is a winning streak. RAW has been better than Nitro for a sustained period for the first time in months. SD has been solid and the last PPV great. Nitro is a mess, and the WWF is pulling no punches. I hope they do not go back to the extreme crash TV after the preemption…..RAW covered all the major bases here and it was fast paced along with some above average wrestling.