-Earlier today, Vince was waiting in his room when Ric Flair came in. Flair said that Vince has wanted to talk to him all day. Vince implies that Flair and Stone Cold Steve Austin conspired against Vince to spank him with the WWF Title belt. He doesn’t like that Flair put his good friend William Regal in a Strap match with Austin. Flair doesn’t like that McMahon wants everyone to kiss his ass. He doesn’t like the direction Vince is taking with his half of the company. Vince says that Flair won’t like what he has planned for tonight. There will be another member to the Vince McMahon Kiss My Ass Club. And it’s not who we think it will be. He says that Flair must admit that he does have a nice ass. Instead, Flair insists that he is an ass.
-Austin comes out and gets on the mic. He was at the Cracker Barrel restaurant getting some catfish to go, because he had to get to the Collusseum to whoop somebody’s ass. The waitress said that she’s glad he didn’t kiss Vince’s ass. He said he just doesn’t do that. He’s not as stupid as Regal. He’s pathetic. It made him sick to his stomach. Since Regal and Vince are such good buddies and he already whooped McMahon’s ass, it’s now Regal’s turn. Now, about Vengeance, He agrees *What?* he agrees *What?* he agrees *What?* with the Rock. Jericho and Angle should never have been in the match. But they are. Like Flair said, to be the man, you have to beat the man. It should have been Rock in one corner, and Austin in the other. But now Angle is in the match, so Austin is going to have to whoop his ass. Then, he’s going to the back to watch the Rock take on Y2J. He hopes the Rock wins so they can have a bigger match than they had at Wrestlemania. There will be an undisputed champion- Stone Cold Steve Austin. Well, that was going to be the bottom line, but Angle comes out. Hold on a second, he says. Earth to Stone Cold. Austin won’t beat Rock. He won’t beat Jericho, either. Because he’s not going to beat Angle. Everyone gives Austin a Hell Yeah for Austin to whoop Angle’s ass. Angle is going to make Austin tap at Vengeance. Austin is dreaming if he thinks he can beat Angle. A Hell Yeah insists that Angle is a red, white, and blue jackass. Angle asks for a Hell Yeah if the crowd thinks he’ll become the Unified Champion, but gets a Hell No. Austin gets a Hell Yeah for Angle to leave the Collusseum. That’s the bottom line, ’cause Stone Cold said so.
Scotty 2 Hotty vs. Christian- European Title
-Test comes down to the announcer’s table to commentate this match. He says he can do anything he wants, he’s got immunity. Out comes Scotty and the man Test calls Fat Albert. (Does that make Scotty Mush-Mouth? Can’t you see him with the big cheeks shouting out “Surprise!” to everyone?) We see clips of RAW where Test gets DQed in his match against Edge. It’s raining goldage, and out comes Christian. Shoulderblock by Scotty. Blocked Monkey tosses. Scotty misses the bulldog. Scotty goes for the kick, Christian catches, and Scotty hits the Enziguiri that knocks Christian over the top rope. Scotty tosses Christian back into the ring and hits a shoulder thrust through the ropes. Scotty misses the punch, and Christian hits the reverse DDT. 1-2-kickout. Flying forearm to Christian. Kick to the gut and a flipping kick to Christian. Christian goes for a pin with his feet on the ropes. Albert knocks his feet off the ropes and Scotty kicks out. Test takes out Albert and gets on the apron. Guillotine on the ropes by Scotty to Test. Christian runs after Scotty, but Scotty tosses him outside. Scotty goes for the Worm on Test, but Christian takes him out and hits the Unprettier, 1-2-3!
Here is your winner and STILL European champ: Christian
After the match, Test nails the Big Boot on Scotty.
-In the back, Lita comes in Jeff’s lockerroom. She needs to talk to him about Matt. She worried about Matt. But she’s worried about Jeff too. She asks if he’s okay to wrestle. Jeff says he’s fine. Matt comes in and scares the other two. He says that they have a number one contender’s match for the Tag Team Titles tonight. Jeff asks who they’re facing. Matt says Kane and the Big Show. But it’s no problem, he says, because they’re the best tag team in WWF history.
-Vince waits in his office as Rob Van Dam comes in. RVD says “‘Sup, dude?”. Vince tells him that he’s Mr. McMahon, not “dude”. He says he doesn’t hold a grudge against Rob for not joining the WWF earlier. He wants to wish RVD good luck in his match tonight against Bubba Dudley for the Hardcore title, and for his match at Vengeance. Rob asks what match that is. Vince says he’ll face the Undertaker. RVD says “That’s cool”. He’ll just have to beat him like he did last time, becase he’s Rob Van Dam. Vince yells at Rob to get out of his office.
-Regal and Angle walk in the hallway, talking. Regal is goign to make an example out of Austin. Angle says he’s going to take Austin out at Vengeance. Angle sees Edge and says he’s going to make an example of Edge in their match tonight. Does Edge know who he’s talking to? Yes, he does- The charter member of Vince’s kiss-ass club. And with his huge lips, he’d be a shoo-in for President. Edge beats on Angle and Regal, but Angle fights back and Regal nails him with the leather strap.
-We see clips from Monday night when RVD beat D-Von to retain the Hardcore Title.
Rob Van Dam vs. Bubba Ray Dudley- Hardcore Title
-The bombs drop and Bubba comes out with the hottest Dudley there is, Stacy Keibler. (Guh…the Got Wood? shirt….just guh…) RVD comes out next. Bubba wastes no time with a clothesline and necbreaker to RVD. Chops by Bubba. RVD goes up top, but Bubba tosses him off onto the barricade. Stacy gets Bubba a chair. RVD goes for a punch, but Bubba counters and hits a double arm suplex. Bubba sets the chair onto RVD and goes up top, but RVD rolls out of the way. RVD tosses the chair to Bubba and nails the Van Daminator for the 1-2-3!
Winner and STILL Hardcore Champion: Rob Van Dam
After the match, Undertaker comes rollin’ down to the ring. Taker beats on RVD and tosses a trash can into the ring. Last Ride onto the trash can! Taker gets on the mic and says that he and RVD have to talk. RVD needs to learn to respect authority. This is the first lesson. At Vengeance, he’ll graduate with honors. (Will he get a diploma and everything? Maybe he’ll wear a cap and gown at the match) He, along with everyone, will respect the Undertaker.
-Coach is talking with Flair for his thoughts on the Undertaker. Flair is huge on the word respect. (He’s “huge on the word”? When on top of it, he grows?) Tonight, he’s asking for a volunteer for a volunteer to take on Undertaker.
Kurt Angle vs. Edge
-Angle comes out, followed by Edge. Angle misses the spear. Clothesline by Edge. Fireman’s carry by Angle. Standing dropkick by Edge, 1-2-kickout. Edge goes for a double axe handle off the second rope. Angle counters and goes for the overhead belly to belly. Edge counters and hits a facebuster. Edge goes for the Edgecutioner, but Angle counters and hits a German suplex. Sleeper to Edge, who battles out. Roll up by Edge, 1-2-kickout. Two Overhead belly to bellys by Angle. Slam by Edge. Spinning heel kick and clothesline by Edge. Reverse X-Factor by Edge. Edge misses the standing dropkick, Angle goes for the Anglelock, but Edge kicks him off. Edge goes for the roll-up, 1-2-kickout. Regal comes out as Edge hits the spear on Angle. Cover by Edge. Regal puts Angle’s foot on the ropes. Edge yells at Regal, and Kurt runs after Edge. Edge tosses Angle over the top rope onto Regal. Edge tosses Angle back into the ring. Regal punches Edge in the corner with the brass knuckles, and Angle hits the Angle Slam for the 1-2-3!
Here is your winner: Kurt Angle
Trish is getting ready for her Title defense.
-We see clips from Monday with Trish beating Stacy in a Bra and Panties match.
Trish Stratus vs. Jacqueline
-King hyperventilates as Trish Stratus comes down to the ring. Vince comes down to the ring and gets on the mic. He wanted the opportunity to say that tonight, in this very ring, someone will join his oh-so-illustrious club. All the women will say that Vince has a nice ass. He’s sure Trish will agree. She’s said as much before. He says that she has a nice backside as well. He remembers all the good times that he had with Trish. They had some good times…until Wrestlemania, when she slapped him in the face. Did she think he forgot about that? She’s going to be the one who joins his club. It’s nothing she hasn’t done before. He tells her to get on her knees. Vince gives us the play-by-play as he takes off his pants. (A woman on her knees, as a gray-haired man in power pulls his pants down…this seems somewhat familiar…) The Rock comes down to the ring as Trish ducks out. Vince starts to pull up his pants, but Rock stops him. He tells Vince to look him in the eyes. He says Vince wants everyone to kiss his ass, even the people in this arena. Vince agrees. The Rock tells Vince to walk to the center of the ring with his pants down, and he does. Vince loves humiliating people. He wanted Vince to walk to the center of the ring so it would be easier to cram an object up Vince’s candy ass. The only question is what will the object be. He saw lots of cornfields on the way here. He wants to find an ear of corn. (Ear of corn? I always thought that sounded nasty. I don’t want to eat ears.) Rock tells Vince that he’s not going to violate him with an ear of corn, he just wanted Vince to feel humiliation. So, tonight, on behalf of the future undisputed champion, JR, Trish Stratus, and the millions (and millions) of his fans, he has one thing to say. Rock Bottom! (No, he didn’t say it, he hit him with it.) People’s Elbow to a depantsed Vince! Jericho comes down with a chair, but Rock lays the smack down on him. Low blow by Vince, and Jericho hits Rock with the chair! Jericho drops the chair down on Rock and then nails the People’s Elbow on him! Jericho gets on the mic and says that even though he’s seeing lots of stars, he should know that he, Y2J, is the biggest star of them all.
Hardy Boyz vs. Big Show and Kane- #1 Contender’s Match
-The Hardy Boyz come out with Lita first, followed by Big Show. The flames erupt, and out comes Kane. Kane and Matt start the match off. Kane takes it to Matt. Kane hits a Big Boot. Kane goes for a powerbomb, but Matt gets a sunset flip with help from Jeff. Kane kicks out after one. Big slam and tag to Big Show by Kane. Bench press by Big Show, but Matt gets down and tags Jeff. Jeff goes for the cross body, but Big Show catches him and slams him down. Matt gets in, but Show tosses him away. Big Show hits a big slam, 1-2-broken up by Matt. Whisper in the Wind to Big Show. Tags to Matt and Kane. Moonsault to the Standing Big Show, 1-2-kickout. Kane counters the Twist of Fate, and Matt blind tags Jeff. Double elbow to Kane, and the Hardyz take show off the apron. Show gets back in the ring, and the Hardyz go for the double suplex. Show hits the suplex on the Hardyz. The Hardyz toss Big Show over the top rope. Lita goes for the Litarana on Kane. Kane catches her and puts her back on the top rope. Jeff dropkicks Kane into the turnbuckle, knocking Lita down. Jeff goes for the Poetry in Motion, but Kane nails the Big Boot as Big Show brings Matt outside. Kane pins for the 1-2-3!
Here are your winners: Big Show and Kane
-Matt and Jeff argue in the back. Matt blames everything on Jeff. Jeff says if Matt wants a match at Vengeance, he’s got one. Against Jeff. Matt says Jeff is a sore loser after he leaves.
-We see clips from Monday night of the Kiss Vince’s Ass club, where Vince tries to initiate Stone Cold. Undertaker makes JR kiss Vince’s ass.
-Tazz introduces himself to Flair. Tazz offers to fight Undertaker. Tazz and Flair have a “Whoo” match. Flair wins.
Tazz vs. Undertaker
-Tazz comes out, and the Undertaker follows. Taker stares down at Tazz and tosses him away by the throat. Tazz takes it to Taker. Big Boot by Taker. Taker misses the elbow drop, and Tazz covers, 1-2-kickout. Taker Tosses Tazz onto the top rope, groin first. Taker drives his forearm and elbow into Tazz’s face. Taker slams Tazz back first into the turnbuckle. Taker goes for the Old Skool elbow drop, but hears the crowd and stops. Clothesline to Tazz, 1-2-Taker stops the count. Taker goes for the Old Skool drop again, but Tazz tosses him off the turnbuckle. Tazz gets the Tazzmission. Taker goes outside, but Tazz still holds on! Taker rams Tazz into the barricade. Tazz goes back first into the steel post. Taker tosses Tazz into the ring and hits a Chokeslam, 1-2-3!
Here is your winner: The Undertaker
After the match, Undetaker gets the steel steps and drops the steel steps on Tazz’s shoulder.
William Regal vs. Stone Cold Steve Austin- Strap Match
-Regal comes down. (Gee, Willy, are those brass knuckles in your underpants, or are you just happy to see me?) Austin comes down next, but Regal tries to whip him with the strap. Austin tosses the WWF belt at Regal and gets in the ring. Regal offers the strap to Austin, but pulls it away before he can grab it. Austin beats on Regal and tosses him out of the ring. Regal goes into the table and over the barricade. Austin battles with Regal in the crowd. Austin tosses Regal back over the barricade. Regal tosses Austin into the announce table. Austin uses the strap to knock Regal into the pole. Strap whips to Regal. Austin gets a beer for himself and Earl Hebner. (Is this REALLY the time for that?) Austin hits Regal with the beer can. Austin goes to piledrive Regal through the announce table, but Regal back body drops him onto the table. Regal tosses Austin back in the ring. Austin counters the suplex. Regal coutners the stunner and hits an elbow to the face. Austin stops Regal from touching four corners and ties up his legs with the strap. Austin taps two corners, but Regal gets untied and tosses Austin over the top rope. Regal brings Austin back in the hard way and nails Austin with a knee to the face and some whips with the strap. Clothesline by Regal. Neckbreaker with the strap by Regal. Regal taps three corners, and Austin hits a spinebuster. Austin taps two corners, gives Regal a low blow, taps a third corner, gives Regal a Stunner, and taps the fourth corner for the win!
Here is your winner: Stone Cold Steve Austin
After the match, Angle comes down to doubleteam Austin. Edge comes down and spears Regal. Austin tosses Angle over the top rope and they have a staredown competition.
Match of the Night: Regal vs. Austin. Pretty good match with inventive uses of the leather strap.
Man of the Night: Chris Jericho. I’m really looking forward to some good heel promos. He had a short heel role tonight, and has done a pretty good job with small parts so far.
Quotation of the Night:
“He’s like Rodney Dangerfield, all he wants is a little respect!” -The King
“I’m not here to knock her, I let the knockers speak for themselves!” -The King